Legends of Belariath
Fen-Fen
This one wishes that she could remember her parents, or even her tribe when it was once great.. but this one was still too small to have learned their faces the day when the Great Army came, humans and elves and dwarves and centaurs and so many, many more... This one's tribe was called the Bloody Horde, and we.. they were strong.. perhaps the strongest of all the goblin and orc tribes to ever walk Belariath. Perhaps the most hated as well, but that's to be expected. When one is up high, there's always others that want to tear that one down, throw them down to the ground. Yes, this one's tribe did many, many horrible, evil, awful things.. but is it not the right of the strong to do as they will? It is certainly a right that was excerised by the Great Army when the came to kill everything this one knew and loved.
Though this one was still so small, only a few summers at best, this one can remember the smell of the blood painted on the faces and bodies of the warriors and shaman's of her tribe.. It was custom, meant to give us strength and make our enemies fear us even more. I was told that this one's tribe was over a thousand strong.. yet that Great Army was so, so much larger... This one remembers the screams, the smell of the dead and dying, horrible magics being cast that killed so many without mercy... This one remembers seeing the Great Army wash over her kin like water over a weak dam, no matter how strong they fought... and this one remembers being carried away from the village that the tribe had taken, held against a fleeing female's breasts even as other goblins and orcs were killed around us..
This one remembers so many seasons being cold, weary, and hungry, always running and hiding from the Great Army that hunted her and her remaining kin.. though for a time, this one was taught to help what was left of the tribe survive. This one was taught how to hunt, how to hide, how to read the land and the sky, and this one came to care for the few adult females and males that raised her as her mothers and fathers, and the other children as her brothers and sisters. The elder even began to teach this one a little of the ways of magic.. and for a time... life was... pleasant, in a sense...
This one remembers, not too long ago, bringing down a great elk on her own, and such wonderful pride at helping to soothe the starving bellies of her family as she dragged it back to camp on her own... and this one remembers the terrible pain in her heart... This one had thought the Great Army had stopped hunting her and her kin... this one was wrong. Unable to help, this one hid and watched with a heart full of pain and terror and hate as her fathers and brothers were not just killed, but torn apart... and this one hurt even more to watch her mothers and sisters, even those heavy with child, were beaten and raped, over and over and over until the life left their brutalized bodies. This one watched all and hid for a four days, with nothing but a small water skin to sustain her, until the last of the soldiers and magic users had left.. then this one carefully placed their bodies within the ground, twenty and three in all, and despite the powerful fear of discovery, this one properly marked their graves.
The tribe of the Bloody Horde is no more.. this one knows it to be true, for she has searched and traveled for many seasons looking for others of the once mighty and powerful tribe... but this one is all that remains. This one... can not even bring herself to use the name that was given to her. This one calls herself Fen-Fen now.. This one believes that it would be the word “alone” in the common tongue. The name is fitting as well.. for this one is truly alone. Though this one does not desire revenge against the Great Army.. this one sees no point in it, even if this one knew of every member of the Army and was capable of finding them all.
But this one cannot stay, either. This one cannot hide her gender and her tribe of origin forever.. the orcs and goblins of the Bloody Horde always were unusually attractive in the eyes of others, or so this one has been told. This one does not even dare to paint her flesh with the blood markings that the Bloody Horde were known for.. to do so would risk being immediately put to death.. or worst. Perhaps... yes... This one shall journey to Nathalion.. This one has learned that many who do not wish to be found journey there. Perhaps there, this one won't have to be called Fen-Fen anymore.