Belariath

*grins* Why indeed!

Um..*coughs*

Stormbringer
A song about, well, Stormbringer I suppose...which Miranda sang in a false beard with a gruff Yorkshire accent..

Well me names Stormbringer and I rule over this land;
And you'd better do what I say or you'll feel the back of me hand!
Now up in the palace, I keep an eye on this place,
Even though you lot ain't seen much of me face.

Stormbringer! I'm everywhere; Stormbringer! To see me is rare! Stormbringer! Of your troubles I don't care...

So I like to wear a fancy crown just there *points to her head*;
It comes in sodding handy to hide my receding hair.
Getting on in years ain't so neat;
I've ate so much food I can't see me feet! *slaps her fake belly*

Stormbringer! Ah the tales that have been told; Stormbringer! I'm brave and bald; Stormbringer! Well I'm getting old...

I have my choice of all the birds in this place;
and I might be ugly but I 'ave me beard to hide me face.
Hey don't mock - don't be rude;
Me beards bloody handy for keeping spare food!

I'm Stormbringer! Me beard contains spare treats; I'm Stormbringer! Hey I like to eat!; Stormbringer! *looks over her shoulder at a chair* I wonder if I can still fit in me seat?

If I see a bird I like I know how to put on the charm;
Show her me belly and flex the tattoos on my arm;
I'll fuck any gal; I'll beat any chap;
And now I'm getting on I'll then go for a nap!"

I'm Stormbringer! You can stare; I'm Stormbringer! I've said I don't care; Stormbringer! *looks vaguely worried* Could someone help me up the stairs?

I saw this bird one night and she looked fit
Even though out of the two of us I had the bigger tits;
Not like that! You bloody rubes!
I was talking about my damned man boobs!

I'm Stormbringer! I'm still the best I'm Stormbringer! I've grown flabby breasts!; I'm Stormbringer! *look down at her chest* Oh..I need a bigger vest...

So I asked her straight did she fancy a bounce?
She must have weighed sixteen stone, give or take an ounce.
I had some help to get on;
But those sort of details aren't for this song!

I'm Stormbringer! She was a double E cup; I'm Stormbringer!I can still get it up; I'm Stormbringer! *pats her groin* Can someone help me to clean up?

I do what I like, you can't say no;
At the end of the day it's my fookin' show.
Don't you wish you could be like me?
Plenty of crumpet* and a rest before tea?

I'm Stormbringer! My tales of life I'll share; I'm Stormbringer! I use to have flair; I'm Stormbringer! Now I like an easy chair! I'm Stormbringer!

*This is a Brit double-entrendre of course. Crumpet being a word for boffing as well as the food stuff

Though if Tehya read this she would only find it a mockery by a fellow bard...since she knows no god grows fat and old. Another great piece of work

Thankees Tehya

And another. Again sung IC....

The Imperial Guard
A song about ..er..the Imperial Guard..

We are the imperial guard, we are;
The imperial guard are we.
We're all so manly and butch you know,
Even the women as you'll see!

Guardians of the empire we are;
Dedicated to doing right!
We drink twenty pints of beer per man
and then go out for a fight!

Not that we'll protect you!
We prefer to protect the shops.
And no one has stolen a building yet
Which shows we know our jobs!

You may get raped, you get robbed
We don't sodding care
The rape we may just join in
The robbery take our share!

To be a guard is great you see
We fearless and we're ruthless
We do our jobs for bags of pay
And rumours we're gay are truthless

We are the imperial guard, we are;
The imperial guard are we.
We're all so manly and butch you know,
As now I hope you've seen!

OMG!

Sully Stormbringer's Image: Checked
Shame the Imperial Guard: Checked
Debase the currency: TBA?

Don't forget to post your Matwyn song!

*laughs*

A song about Matty, Callie? I have -no- idea what you mean

*wanders off whistling "Do you love me (now that I can dance)?"

LOL it was supposed to be about the character, not the player

*laughs* Sorry!

And another but only a quickie..

Only you - a song about a slave owner...
*with apologies to the Platters*

"Only youuuuuuu..;
..can turn my arse black and blue;
On-ly youuuuuu, can beat me like you doooo;
"And when you raise your hand;
I un-der-stand that I - am - in - the - poo!
You cream when you do;
the one -and -only youuuuu!!"

*insert odd little burpy hiccuping sound*

"On-l-y youuuuuuuu..;
...made all this change in me;
In the past - I used to be so free;
but when you part your thighs...
I have to si-gh, and go do what I do"
"Make you cum I do;
the one. and. on-lllyy youuuu!"

*Snickers uncontrollably* I do believe we Brits make the best naughty pixies. Another superb Miranda farce of a ditty.

Slaveowner

Er..a song about being a slaveowner I guess!

*starts slow*
"So see me sat here on my chair; and see my purse and gimlet stare.
I'm lazy, vile, sloth personified, but I don't give a fuck so don't you chide;
I don't have to do a thing - not that I could;
but with me cash my demands can't be withstood!"

sotto voice asks "Wanna know why?"

*speeds up*
"I'm a slaveowner, I'm a slaveowner..and I don't -give- a damn!
Twenty four seven, I'm in heaven with on tap constant bangs!"

"Having slaves is -such- a boon they lighten up me mood;
and when they've done all their work I can get them to be rude!"
"They're nowt to me, I hope you see, just there to be abused;
and if they don't do what I say? Well they very easily bruise....

*sotto voice*...and why?"

"'cos. I'm. A. Slaveowner, I'm a slaveowner, I don't care what you think!
I can work 'em, beat them, fuck them - and then fuck off for a drink!"

"So what if I'm indolent and I can't do a thing?
That is what slaves are for - and I pull all their strings!"
So what if I need help getting dressed, eating, washing too?"
"I've slaves for that, don't you see? That is what -they- do!

Bec-ause.......I'm a slaveowner, I'm a slaveowner! I'm lazy and I'm a bitch!
But I don't care, not one bit, 'cos I am sodding rich!"

"Sometimes it true, I go too far and a slave I lose "
"But don't get down, they're just things! Plenty more from stock to choose!
Take your pick of sizes. Straight, bi or gay;
You lose a slave? Just go back to the renowned I.S.A!

"I'm. A. SLAVEOWNER, I'm a slaveowner! Having slaves makes me grin!
And like all the owners out there, no slaves I'd be virgin!"

Lozen wrote:OMG!

Sully Stormbringer's Image: Checked
Shame the Imperial Guard: Checked
Debase the currency: TBA?

Well, Lozen; I couldn't do the currency - but I had a bash at the underlying economic model!

I'll have you know it's hard work banging slaves 24 hours a day!

*puts on Faith No More and sings* "It's a dirty job but someone's gotta do it..."

AdenVer

A song about...well AdenVer I suppose? By Miranda-Newton-John

*To the tune of..well guess ..... *

A place where nobody longers go,
home of the God that never shows,
they call him Aden...Ver.

Open your eyes and see,
this God is long gone;
the one they call Aden...Ver

Your temple once destroyed,
did you become annoyed?
Begin to no longer care,
the God called AdenVer?

Ad-en-Ver *dum dum de dum*- Aden-Ver-er-e-er. The bloody God
called AdenVer

Aden-Ver;*dum dume de dum Aden-Ver-er-er-er. Not bloody here! (more like!)
AdenVer!

AdenVer, did you whine?
Oh poor AdenVer

So powerful, so long ago;
Now just a no show, that's AdenVer

Warriors left unmatched, mages them despatch
They fight for you, but you have no clue
Why did you abandon them?

No worshippers, none now, for AdenVer
Adenver, Adenver - no longer here
No Adenver.....