Amethine Tawariell - Personal Diary of a Catgirl Healer

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Amethine Tawariell - Personal Diary of a Catgirl Healer

Postby Amethine on Fri Nov 09, 2018 7:16 pm

[OOC NOTE: I thought I might start doing a diary after seeing Lindor's and others posted here. I don't expect to keep it updated too often, but I thought it might be interesting for people who want to get a better understanding of the character. Maybe once a month or after enough "big" things happen IC? I dunno. This was ICly written right after a little storyline.]

Dear Diary.

... nah, that's way too clichéd for me. I don't even know what I'm doing writing this. Or that. I've never written a journal or diary before, not in the usual sense. Notes and reminders, sure, but not a proper catalogue of events, thoughts and feelings. I highly doubt I'll keep updating this but, at least right now it seems prudent to write at least something down, and if I disguise it as a diary of some kind then it might cause me to keep doing it. I got the idea from Lindor... Tindomerel I think the last name was? I never was good with names. Turns out she had many diaries to help her through difficult times. I mean, I don't think I'm in a difficult time or anything but my head's a mess and perhaps writing it out will help? Am I rambling? Can you even ramble when you're writing? The ink in the pot's getting real low so I guess you can ramble while writing. I should probably get to the point.

I fucked up. I messed things up so bad I don't think anything can be the same ever again. After getting the idea for a journal or whatever, I felt it best to write everything down while it's still fresh in my memory. So... well, here goes. I'm back in Nanthalion after weeks of... torture basically. I was brought back to the Healing House and tended to by two of the most powerful Healers the Empire has to offer, and both that I know well enough to consider friend, Allivia and Lindor. I'm at Abby's cabin right now, and couldn't sleep. Ravey (my raven familiar, who's named Ra-Vethine thanks to a certain fae), is keeping watch for me, making sure Abby, or especially Airy doesn't disturb me. I love that redhead human and silvery little fae but I'd rather not be disturbed writing this. I'm recently back after being rescued, I was so angry. I was so hurt. Maybe I'll start at the beginning.

Wintergrove was razed to the ground a few weeks ago. It was a small Catfolk village near the border, cut into a forest to act as a natural wall against the elements with wide farms nearby, I think that's how it made a profit, selling excess grain and stuff. That's not what's important, what's important was that it's my home... was my home. It's where me and my 6 sisters and brother grew up. Tamil was taken away from us early on, Catmen are precious rarities for catfolk, he was taken away by the village Elders to be taught the ways of the world from a privelaged position. If the men aren't given a better chance at survival, we as a race struggle to survive or so I was told. Either way, it was just my sisters and mother for such a long time, and eventually I left to explore. I wanted to get away from all the arguments, all the fighting over money and food. So I left. I left them a note and I never heard from them for years since. The last thing I ever said to any of them was "fine just take it" to my older sister Katie, arguing over food again. I had been planning to leave for a while anyway, but still... that was the last words I ever said to any of my family. And now they're gone. Wintergrove was razed to the ground by bandit slavers. They had stormed the town and captured as many of the villagers as they could, and destroyed everything else, probably a show of force. "Might Makes Right" afterall.

I found out because every 6 months, I got a letter from home. My youngest sister Emerlidy found out where I was and sent me by fae mail a letter and a copy of a journalist's paper so I could be kept up to date. I missed them all, and I think the feeling was mutual, but it was too late to go back to them. Money was tight enough, jobs were scarce and the in-fighting was still there. Still, it was nice to be kept in the loop, and then a few weeks ago I didn't get the letter, just the copy of "The Curious Cat", which said how Wintergrove was obliterated and I snapped. I don't know what came over me, I just snapped. I lashed out at Abby, Airy, Allivia and Callie in... very nasty hurtful ways. I didn't know how to react, I was so upset at hearing my family taken by slavers, and slavery is just something I can't abide by, how CAN I condone owning another? It's meant nothing but bad things for us catgirls, we're hornier than other races and not as strong, why should that mean we're to have our personal freedom taken away? I hate how we're the sex-pets of the empire, that's all slavery is right? An excuse to violate a horny catgirl and if you kill her then just "oops?" and buy yourself another because who cares? I can't, I just can't condone slavery, so hearing that my own family was taken by slavers and having people around me who cared about me, about my wellbeing... scared me. I never had to deal with such feelings before and I ran from it. I spent so long wandering the empire alone that I thought being alone again was what I needed, but it wasn't. I charged straight for Wintergrove and ended up getting caught myself as I wandered the ruins of my home. I was collared, locked in a cell and raped and tortured insessently for days on end. They made me watch a boat leave, a boat that they said had my family on it and I... I was so broken after that. I was distraught, not just for losing everything I had grown up with, but losing everything and everyone I had learned to like and love after coming to Nanthalion.

The only reason I'm able to write this journal now is because those friends of mine, that I insulted and lashed out at, actually managed to track me down somehow, they rescued me. They brought me back here and nursed me to health and now I'm sitting here, safe and sound. But that's not why I'm writing this, I've had worse done to me than those slavers dished out; I haven't told anybody about the time I was almost killed during a Blood Swan Moon 7 years ago, or how the tiny scar on the back of my neck was from a collar that was put on me after I was captured and trapped in some innkeep's basement for a few weeks. I'm used to trauma, but what's really shaken me is the friendships I now have. This is a new feeling for me, and I feel such horrible guilt... not for getting caught, but for making them all worry about me. I'm not a good friend if I do that, but they rescued me anyway. It's like they want me to belong with them, it's a feeling of compassion and companionship I never felt before, and I don't want to lose that. I'll need to talk to them all soon, properly.

Abby so very kindly gave me money after her tournament win, before everything with Wintergrove. She called it a "long term investment". I didn't appreciate how awesome that gesture was until now, especially from a mercenary! Tomorrow I'm going to go to the Might Makes Right store, and pick up the items Allivia suggested, then get her to enchant them, I'll see if I can't take Abby and Airy with me, I'm sure they'd be glad that I got rid of the dress since all they did was complain about it anyway, Callie didn't seem to like it either for that matter. Abby and the others are investing in me but not with money, investing in me as a friend. So I'm going to stop holding onto the past and embrace my life in Nanthalion, and step 1 is getting equipped for it and letting go of my old dress.

I don't ever want to hurt them or let them down again.

-Amethine Tawariell.
Wintergrove Survivor and friend to many.
Amethine Tawariell is the main catgirl.
Felicia`Delacroix is the naughty catgirl.
All the catgirl's just wanna have fun!

If you like this wax-seal, I could make one for your too. PM or hit me up in IRC if you're interested :)
Thank you Abby for drawing the amazing pic I'm using as the avatar!
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Re: Amethine Tawariell - Personal Diary of a Catgirl Healer

Postby Amethine on Tue May 21, 2019 7:03 pm

*This page is covered in started paragraphs that have been scratched out. All of them trying to start a new diary entry but seemingly having been given up half-way through. The bottom half of the page is left blank, seemingly because the diary was continued on the next page instead of trying to continue making an entry with only half of a page left. Very few words are legible as each line is obliterated with ink.*
Amethine Tawariell is the main catgirl.
Felicia`Delacroix is the naughty catgirl.
All the catgirl's just wanna have fun!

If you like this wax-seal, I could make one for your too. PM or hit me up in IRC if you're interested :)
Thank you Abby for drawing the amazing pic I'm using as the avatar!
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Re: Amethine Tawariell - Personal Diary of a Catgirl Healer

Postby Amethine on Tue May 21, 2019 7:04 pm

*Like the previous page, a couple of lines have been scratched out*

Been a while since I wrote my last entry, just read it again and wow, I was in a whole different place just a few short months ago. Fuck... where do I even begin? So much has changed now. Writing this in my secret little room back home. Heh, yeah. Home. I have a house now, a place to call my own. My sisters would never believe it. I think I'm doing better now though, I'm writing this after just getting back from Wintergrove. Abby and Airy were with me, I decided to go because I wanted to do something, say my piece or get some closure or just let out grief or something I don't know. It felt like something I should do, so I brought a tree sapling to plant, maybe one day a new village will spring up there and other kittens will play with that tree once it's nice and tall. That'd be nice. I really don't think I'm worthy of being called a "Great Healer", there's so many others who are better trained than me, or better disciplined, but I can cast the most powerful of Healing spells so that probably would have been proof enough to my mother that I had "made it" as a Healer. I'm sure they're alive somewhere... and if I get any word then the first thing I'll be doing is seeing if I can't help. But for now, all I can do is bide my time and just move on.

Speaking of moving on, we explored the old Elder's place since I remembered there being a basement of some kind, and with some direction Airy found a tail-ring. That has some rather strange properties! It's hard to explain but, I think I can control different aspects of my physiology! Catfolk have differing amounts of fur or facial features, either more human or more feline. It's like this tail-ring lets me adjust how much or little my catblood shows! I can grow fur all over at will! And I tried it with my Fur spells I know and it works! Now I don't have to panic about trying to whip my tail to deflect arrows and swords when my whole BODY can deflect them! I've also noticed how, among other things, those rabbit dumplings Airy makes me... I can really taste the hint of lemon now. Like, it's far less subtle than it was before. I don't think it's a coincidence, but I'll need to test that more, but my hypothesis is that this tail-ring is also affecting my sense of taste somehow. The tail ring's quite beautiful itself, it's clearly very old but looks perfect still. The etchings are quite beautiful too, the detail's amazing. Like each little character almost moves in the candlelight. I quite like the one using her claws to climb a tree, I did the exact same thing for years! It was safer sleeping high in a tree than on the forest floor afterall.

So what else happened...? Lindor left, without so much as a goodbye either. I guess something happened but I've not seen her and from what tidbits of information I've picked up I think she's up and left on that ship of hers and just abandoned Nanthalion. Allivia is now Headmistress, I wondered if she'd make me Headmistress or not but I think that's the right choice. Afterall a year ago I could barely cast a Heal spell, I have far too much to learn before I can consider myself worthy of that particular title. I'm doing my best though, studying and practicing when I can. But since Lindor's left, I met Gwyneth. The Healer of legend, the one who invented the Healer's Resurrection! I think I've built her up in my head a bit... she's, a very proud slave. She makes some good arguments too but... I don't know, she's clearly strong enough to make it on her own. Why not seek her to free herself and make a name for herself instead of as Stormwinds property? She explained how that all came to be... so, I guess I can understand why she'd feel indebted to him but even I owe my life to Abby, Airy, Allivia, Callie and Rhezha but I don't feel as though I want to be their property for it! A couple of people have tried to convince me how it's a good thing to be enslaved... but I just can't get over it. Why would you not want to be free? To have a collar around your neck is to be an extension of another's will. Your whole life is in their hands, they remove your freedoms and only let you do what they approve of. Eventually you're moulded into what they want you to be... and make you feel as though it's what you want. I just find it hard to believe that someone who puts another in a collar isn't just looking to make them into a compliant sexpet. That's all I've ever heard before coming to Nanthalion, that was the fate I would have if I ever got caught out there, and it was the fate I've seen so many catgirls succumb to because they weren't fast enough or didn't have the stamina to keep running. Seductresses like Theressa have already shown me how easy it is to be dominated and be made powerless, how can I trust people who wield power like that or something similar?

That Morgan guy's also been making the moves on me a lot... I'm really not sure about him. On one hand, he's been nothing but a gentleman to me, and has respected my space and my views. On the other hand, he's a skirt-chasing romantic who likes to be a "hit" with the ladies, and has owned such ladies in the past and even been head of the ISA. Head, the leader, the one in charge of the one place I hate most. Sure, he was made to and tried to make it better, but it still takes a mindset to be chosen for such a role. He's not had an easy time of it, he's certainly had his traumas (maybe as traumatic as me, though maybe not as many as I've been through); so my heart kinda goes out to him. It must suck if he's actually a genuinely nice person, and I'm just cold towards him, but I've been hurt too many times before. I got lucky with Abby and Airy, and I'm tentative with the others, but I can't handle another betrayal. Not now, not after I've came so far. It's much easier to just assume everybody IS going to betray me, so I shouldn't get attached. Am I being too inflexible? I told Naomi and Yarost and Allivia how those I used to call "friends" betrayed be so hard before but I'm not sure they got just how badly it hurt me.

Speaking of Naomi, they're holding a housewarming thing in a few days, and I'm considering if I should go or not. I guess I should, I'm just worried I might say something or do something I'll regret. Both her and Yarost own someone, and there's no way they're not going to be there, as well as other slave owners. I'll just smile and nod I guess, hopefully I won't be challenged about my views on ownership too much.

I'm hearing Abby shout on me saying dinner's ready now, so maybe I'll continue my thoughts next time. I hope the three Mephos, the A-Flight I'm starting to call them have been fed already. Oh, yeah, I have a baby mephos now. I'll write more about that one next time... soooooo much has happened these past few months!
Amethine Tawariell is the main catgirl.
Felicia`Delacroix is the naughty catgirl.
All the catgirl's just wanna have fun!

If you like this wax-seal, I could make one for your too. PM or hit me up in IRC if you're interested :)
Thank you Abby for drawing the amazing pic I'm using as the avatar!
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