Kindness. Where did it go?

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Kindness. Where did it go?

Postby Amara on Mon Sep 17, 2018 11:58 am

Do you remember when you were new?

Do you remember the first time you created a character and had to PM an OP for a voice in the OOC?

Do you?

Do you remember how confusing things were?

Do you remember how many questions you had?

Do you remember who your first RP partner was? the room you RP'd in?

Do you remember how hard it was to find some RP?

Do you?

Do you remember the person(s) who helped you initially?

Do you remember your first impression with this game world?

I ask all this because I noticed a new player who was struggling in the OOC the last week.

Seemed like they couldn't do anything right.

Everyone was coming down on them.

Have we gotten so big in our britches that we can't be kind anymore? That we can't take a moment and give links and
explain things to this person(s) in a friendly manner?

I watched for a whole hour in the OOC. A whole hour.. and it just seemed no one was helping this person grasp 'things' -
in fact, folks were getting down right annoyed with them.

When we don't understand things.. someone always helps us. That's how we are. We are a great community.

What's happening now? Why wasn't this person pulled to the side?

I did PM this person after that whole hour. I was embarrassed.

Where is the kindness? Why are we not friendly to newcomers anymore?

Fresh meat is always a blessing here in our world. Some stay. Some go. Some are assets. Some are real great pains in the asses, for sure.


The game mechs here are so heavily layered.. relationships and status - so much to grasp and it takes time.
It's not something that will be learned in a matter of days or weeks.
Frustrations are real; on your part and on the newb.

Be kind.
Teach.
Coach.
Lead by example OOC'ly.
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Re: Kindness. Where did it go?

Postby Menhir on Mon Sep 17, 2018 2:55 pm

It's easier to be 'kind' when the person asking at least shows some humility as well as initiative in researching through the available information when directed towards it before asking for clarifications.

When a 'new player' rocks up with a 'hey, answer my questions I'm new' mentality and is pointed towards documentation and then says 'Why don't you just tell me what I want to know?' belligerently, then it tends to sour the intent to be a 'good person' just as it does when dealing with a person face to face who doesn't want to learn but just wants to be told, when chances are if they're just told they'll forget soon enough and have to ask again.

Personally, when I came here, I had expectations that it was an actual role play collective and that most of the information I would have as a new player would be documented somewhere as is appropriate for a role playing text based community. And much of it was documented, and whatever wasn't, I could use the search function of the forums in order to look up and see if there were any answers to my questions already existing.

Such things should be standard operating procedure. We're all grown ups, we all should have the basic research abilities as anyone else. And if we are directed to a place where the answers are, we should be thankful not demanding of personal attention to answer when we're likely occupied elsewhere already.

So while I understand your concern and 'pity' for someone you think was treated improperly, I also have to say that we aren't toddlers who should have to have everything spoon fed and book-read to us.
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Re: Kindness. Where did it go?

Postby Rebecca of Valaris on Mon Sep 17, 2018 3:57 pm

Amara, you're right of course - as indeed is Menhir.; and yes I know, I know, I'm sitting on the fence so hard I'm probably getting splinters.

I believe that we should help new players into this world, for it is indeed jolly complex. Certainly more than you would think at first glance for sure if you were new and I do actually try. Perhaps not terribly well I'll concede largely as the poor sods have to translate most of what I type into a recognisable form of English for them before they can have a stab at understanding what I meant! But you can get tired of seemingly answering the same questions and, if you're IC you don't want to keep breaking off the immersion to deal with the same question yet again or engage in another round of spoon feeding. It can also start to get irksome to have your PM as the short cut to the website or rule explanation too after a while. Especially when, in the three or four cases I tried to help in the past week or so not one of the buggers even had the grace to say thank you. Sorta starts draining the willingness to be kind to be honest after a while.

So I can see where Menhir is coming from (actually I've seen that IC too once or twice... :wink: ) in that a little less sense of entitlement and a bit of effort from the new players wouldn't be a bad thing at times. I certainly didn't expect too much in the way of help when I joined for, like any game be it tabletop or otherwise , I read the rules beforehand...

That said, if people were asking in OOC and the channel was just full of people joking around or doing the woe is me routine or randomly wondering what their combat roll vs Blogs would be (and actually what is it with that? People plan their fights these days?), well that's a different matter and not on at all. It's bloody rude really and heavens knows we have enough people idling around in the channel -not- playing most of the time that you would have thought someone could have stepped in, so Kudos to you Amara for doing that.

So aye, perhaps some more help from us - but some more work from them, and some better manners too, wouldn't be amiss either.
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Re: Kindness. Where did it go?

Postby Tehya on Mon Sep 17, 2018 6:22 pm

Great view on life Amara, just in general in real life you see a lot of the same thing.

Be kind, the website is huge and if you're anxious to play some OCC help would be nice.

Sometimes I think about when I first began and smile remembering the players that helped me. I was playing a character not Tehya and someone was being raped and she intended to help the person, and then was whispered not to do that, and told to ask them in pm if they wanted to scene with you.

Those people are no longer playing, but were fine mentors.

It is kind of like getting a new board game for Christmas skimming the rules and then eagerly playing with family.

Be patient and kind to each other.
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Re: Kindness. Where did it go?

Postby miyuka on Mon Sep 17, 2018 7:05 pm

To be fair, there have been countless times in which players have been nice and helped new people. I know this because as an op I've given out plenty of extra exp for such a thing and that's just what I've seen, so yes, be kind, but don't let these off incidents color the whole picture of whom we are.
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Re: Kindness. Where did it go?

Postby Adonai on Mon Sep 17, 2018 7:49 pm

I try to help people, especially new ones, my guide is the first way, and other times I will message people, after asking of course and try to help them especially if they are getting confused by like 8 people answering them with differently worded things. But as Menhir said, some people get a bit belligerent when demanding help instead of asking it, which really really makes it hard to help them. I have seen I think a few newer people get kicked a total of 3 or 4 times in the last week or so just for doing so. But, I am like Batman I help in the shadows >.>
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Re: Kindness. Where did it go?

Postby Fiona Sharora on Mon Sep 17, 2018 10:03 pm

As someone who is a year and a few days in this place I still feel very new. And yes, I am very happy to have received kind words and help along the way and try to offer my help with the few things I know.

Adonai's guide has been a great help but so were the people around and I don't feel that has changed. Some know better how to help than others and the ooc is not always the most active, but despite the few threads on the matter, I think the community in general is very good.

I don't know what person or situation currently is mentioned in this thread, but when I can I try to help others. (So if anyone new reads this, PM away ^^)
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Re: Kindness. Where did it go?

Postby Amara on Mon Sep 17, 2018 10:45 pm

Thank you to those who have read and responded. I truly appreciate your feedback.

This post was not meant to be anything other than a friendly reminder to be kind.

It has nothing to do with emotional stability or the other posts floating around about that subject.

Obviously, there has been some tension/feathers ruffled/aggression/and what not over the last week.

Just keep in mind that hostility begets hostility; friendly–dominant and friendly–submissive behaviors are complementary.
Hostile–dominant acts are frequently responded to with further hostile–dominant behavior. Hostile–submissive behavior is
frequently met with friendly–dominance.

All of that or part of that -can- sometimes be disguised as humor, bullying, passive aggressiveness, etc.

Y'all know this. I -just- know you do. There's no blame here. No finger pointing. Just humble words.

We were all new once upon a time.

I'll reiterate my closing:

Be kind.
Teach.
Coach.
Lead by example OOC'ly.
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"And yet you did not chose me blindly. Certain expectations were aroused.
Let's not be coy; you were hoping I would satisfy all the desires you're
too shy to name, or at least show you a good time." The Crimson Petal and the White
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Re: Kindness. Where did it go?

Postby Farvel on Mon Sep 17, 2018 11:26 pm

Amara wrote:What's happening now? Why wasn't this person pulled to the side?

With all due respect, Amara, what makes you think they weren't pulled to the side, several times in fact, by different people? You're making automatic assumptions that people reacted like that in a vaccum, without any prior events leading to it.
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Re: Kindness. Where did it go?

Postby Amara on Mon Sep 17, 2018 11:53 pm

Fair point, Farvel. Thank you for responding.
There is no way that I know all that transpired. I do not claim that at all.
Without questions and assumptions - questions and concerns do not get answered or addressed.

I do not want this thread to turn into a 'pick apart' my words.

Just take it for a grain of salt. Use it. Don't use it. Like it. Don't like it.
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"And yet you did not chose me blindly. Certain expectations were aroused.
Let's not be coy; you were hoping I would satisfy all the desires you're
too shy to name, or at least show you a good time." The Crimson Petal and the White
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Re: Kindness. Where did it go?

Postby Farvel on Tue Sep 18, 2018 2:12 am

Sure, please don't take my post the wrong way, it wasn't meant to be harsh, I was simply pointing out that actions and reactions don't happen in a vaccuum, and watching in OOC for an hour might give you a very incomplete picture of what's been going on. :wink:
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Re: Kindness. Where did it go?

Postby Darkwolfe on Tue Sep 18, 2018 6:55 am

Amara wrote:I watched for a whole hour in the OOC. A whole hour.. and it just seemed no one was helping this person grasp 'things' -
in fact, folks were getting down right annoyed with them.


I resemble this remark. -.-

Amara, you're a sweetheart. Truly. =)

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Here's my two bits; Whether it's worth fuck all or not,

My experience having been a "member" of this community for an entire week. Is; the help here is limited, and when challenged it's damn near next to none. -- I will be the first to admit that 'myself' as a player am definitely an acquired taste. That being said, I have manners, I know how to be polite, cordial, respectful, etc. And when I don't -- guaranteed there is a reason. However! I threw up a post on this message board not that long ago, left it for about a day, I'm sure many people read it as the views were growing as if I had just given up an insider tip on the bull markets of wall street. --

My delivery was horrible, though the content wasn't that far off.

As a new player/character it's hard as hell to break into your fancy little cool kid crowd. Not to mention (and here's where's the blood spills) when someone comes in and they can actually write, play, have an decent character with a decent backstory and very elaborate persona -- people get intimidated. It shows. I am by no means claiming to be better, or the best. In fact, I claim the opposite 99% of the time; People say "You're an excellent writer!" my reply is almost always, ..Eh, it could've been better.

On that note, I've been /kicked out the of the OOC Channel about six(6) times now, and for what? Seriously, what? Asking valid questions and then continuing to further investigate with hopes of better gameplay and character development? How is that bad? Or frowned upon? And to have someone say that the Ops who did it were the most tolerable and kind Ops you have? Sign me up then, I mean, ... Really.

I'm not exactly sure why a player as myself has such a difficult time with your little community here, but it's been opted to me several times, 'go play somewhere else' and I just may. Seeing as half the people I have seen are merely fluff; I said it once and I'll say it again. It's like Dr. Moreau met Dr. Suess, and alas. Welcome to Belariath. -- Yet the website clearly states 18+ Adult Scenes, and so far, all I've seen is some furry stuff with and some pointed ears fucking or raping eachother. Where is the actual bondage? BDSM? Hence my original questions about violence. I mean, how can you have a fantasy BDSM realm and not allow graphic violence, that still doesn't make sense to me.

Anyways! I'm going to stop here -- as I've said to much already. Though I wanted to point out how much Amara, Lindor, and L`aqueara have helped me thus far. As for the rest of you, good riddins. -- I'm an extremely busy person and I don't have alot time to waste for sillyness, I'm online almost 24/7 (though you have no idea why) Again, I stay very busy and I like this Setting/Game/Realm. -- I just don't like the fluffy crybabies who sit upon there high-horse of "Go read the site." Great, help. Thanks.
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Re: Kindness. Where did it go?

Postby miyuka on Tue Sep 18, 2018 7:09 am

There's more to this world than just that one thing, and if you actually spent the time to get to know people and the things here instead of always getting horrifically abrasive you'd have seen the many sides of Belariath. But hey, if you don't like it, you don't like it. You have your way of how you think the world should work and you don't agree with it and that's A-ok. It's simple. You make a char that fits into the world of Belariath. Also for someone that is so supposedly humble about their RP, you sure as fuck seem to enjoy insulting the way other people RP. Don't bring that elitist BS around here. Your one sided narrow views can go with you. You don't got the time for our fluffy crybaby game, well then move the fuck on, but you ain't got to be an ass hat and go around saying the shit I've seen you say about others.
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Re: Kindness. Where did it go?

Postby L`aquera on Tue Sep 18, 2018 7:47 am

Ok, one second while I rub my temples.....


I'll say as I have already to a few, lines were exceeded on both sides. Sorry, they were. Ok? My position is, they tried to hard to 'fit' in far to fast and while at first its confusing! VERY! To many slugs on both sides made it clearly uncomfortable and no damned fun for one to the next. I took the time to give links, explain, rp with and introduce. I can't say it went swimmingly, I did however, enjoy the rp.

That said, I've been pretty disappointed. All around. But nothing is impossible nor lost unless you want it to be.
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Re: Kindness. Where did it go?

Postby Farvel on Tue Sep 18, 2018 9:07 am

EDITED: WHY? BECAUSE PERSONAL ATTACKS ARE NOT NEEDED!
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