Strange Trip...reflections of 20 years of RP.

[Cangelosi]

Let me just start and tell you all that this has been a very...very strange time for me the past three weeks.

I honestly don't know what happened to spur this but I have a confession to make. I have tried to be a writer for 23 years. Up until this month, I have felt an abject failure at it. Hundreds of broken projects, hundreds of megabytes of reference materials, and even more hours spent in front of a computer screen and fearing I had an addiction that was slowly draining me into becoming a shut-in. I know several of you people have had the pleasure to know me over the years, and I have been blessed with the interactions I have participated here with this channel and with everyone over the creative junkets I peeked into from time to time, in a hope that I would one day contribute but so far kept looking at beautiful pieces and works of art.

I started coming to this channel in October 2001, a few weeks after 9/11. I was an exchange student in Hirakata City, Japan, a world away from the atrocities that happened, questions and incriminations clogging the Internet, trying to cover up a way I could really deal with the sudden fear and anguish I feared, not knowing people I knew who worked in DC's Pentagon were still alive. Even though everyone I knew survived, it still felt strange, being a foreigner in a strange land having to find an outlet that I can forget about the world gone mad and put on a robe and wizard hat and, in a way, learn to go beyond myself.

Arnoch Bretail was my first character here. A healer at first, he developed into a mage, cynical and plotting. If I hadn't deleted him in a fit of pique, I'd have used him more, perhaps he'd have three digits in his level. Still, one cannot turn back time, and eventually as time went, my identity became as the deliciously deviant and impossibly valiant Morgan Drakewing, People's Dragoon (or as once he was considered, the Volksdragoon, which I still chuckle about.) I used an easily approachable disguise to interact with a wide variety of styles of player and I am proud that I could be part of a storyline that not only predated and predicted shows and games like Dragon Age and Game of Thrones but outlasted them even after all this time. Not many roleplay groups can claim that, especially one here that has predominantly had its action told through Internet Relay Chat.

I'm about to let you all on a little secret, some some of you may have suspected, and a few that I reached out to who have had similar difficulties. In 2004, after completing a bachelor's degree and possessing was first considered as a mix of something called ADD and depression, I visited several experts on the autism spectrum. After tests, I received my diagnosis. High Functioning Autistic Spectrum Disorder. It went by Asperger's at the time, but over the years, that was discarded due to many recalculations (and it was named after a guy named Asperger. Seriously who DOES that?) and I just settle on being "on the spectrum" as they say. At first, it was like scales lifted from my eyes. Problems I felt that only I had started to make sense, and indeed it explained my creativity streak. Thanks to my parents and several close individuals, I took programs both in Smithfield, VA, and New Haven, CT to better understand myself, and perhaps be more comfortable about those who were on the spectrum, to different degrees.

Even with changing environs and with changing ideas on what I wanted to do with my life, I always kept on coming back here, in some degree. Indeed there were times I needed to take breathers to concentrate on my life direction and coming to terms with how my HFA affected my life and those around me, and in a way, the friends I made though only saw through the faces of their characters were just a buffer I needed from the stress I felt that I had wasted countless years of my life in trying to figure out things that people half my age take for granted, such as social interactions, social anxiety, and even financial management. Even when dealing with my own problems, others had theirs, and I did not mind being a shoulder to cry on or an ear to air grievances. The fact that people kept looking up to me and I have been the series of some of TLI's most humorous running gags is a blessing, and I would like to think Morgan's narrative is woven thickly into the fabric of Belariath forever, even if somehow he would leave tomorrow and never return. Which is not to say he will, mind you. I do still got some unfinished scenes I want to clear up before I go THAT far.

At the beginning of the month, I started to look at all the piles of work I had compiled and started writing. And writing. And writing. Sometimes even 12 straight hours with the regular breaks for sustenance. I'm still not sure what I came up with, but indeed it has combined my experience with autism and perhaps my experiences when it comes to roleplaying and the fandoms I have had the privilege to be counted among. It's not a fantasy story, far from it...but you might want to know that there is indeed going to be one or two of my TLI characters that will be making guest characters. Maybe if this goes through, you may find that there may be one or two characters that may or may not have some familiar characteristics I may have tweaked. No Stormbringer, though. I'm not gonna try to steal his thunder or those of you who already have published works, though if you want to reach out and tell your horror stories of publications, feel free.

If you didn't have time to read this full thing, I think what I'm trying to say is...for better or worse, indirectly and a world I first came to because I wanted to hide, and grew into something much more strange and fascinating...thank you all for everything then, and what may be to come. If you want to talk more, please give me a message here and I'll send you a link to my email. It's a big step I know, but...I think after all this time, I think a lot of you have earned it.

MD / JS

[Tehya]

How many times have i read things you have written outside of rp and tried to convince you to get into writing
hmmmmm?

Just do it and publish your completed work on Amazon.

You better not leave and take Morgan with you because I am locking the door.

Do it, write, write, write.

A fan,
Tehya

[Stormbringer]

One of our longest existing players and a cornerstone of TLI. I wish you well with your writing. You have certainly done enough in here to prove you are able.

If you need a clue, use Word if you can. Kindle will auto convert it to the right format. also send the finished work to smashwords.com. Apart from their own following and providing versions like pdf, html, epub etc from the basic doc, they also feed through to Apple, Kobo and Barnes and Noble so you appear on their lists too (as long as there's no rape etc )