Bullying, Feeling uncomfortable, Threats

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Bullying, Feeling uncomfortable, Threats

Postby L`aquera on Fri Mar 02, 2007 4:36 pm

Today between myself and Stormbringer, we felt it a good idea to have a discussion within OOC about what to do if you, the player feels, threatened, bullied or pushed to do something you do NOT wish to happen. Below follows the log of what was discussed, and what you can do. We ops, administration and the owner of TLI Stormbringer, are HERE for you.. Please read on. I know its long, but it is imperatively a part of what you should know and should pass onto others. Thank you for your time in reading this.

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Unfortunately in many instances, our Players here feel anything from threatened to worried, to bullied. And are unaware what they should do, or how to do it.
Heya SB
Or even, if they should do, or say something.
Please be aware that the Ops here and this Administration along with Stormbringer feel you should ALWAYS feel safe. Here in TLI. With the Ops, with the administration on reporting even the oddest or smallest thing. Especially if you, feel threatened, or uncomfortable.
In most cases, we can't do anything without clarification. Logs. Validation.
Heres what we need from you as the Player. Validation has two forms. A player that has seen this action. Feels threatened, harrased, bullied. Logs. Logs are the most important thing you could give us.
Don't think EVER that your issues with other players are Minor to us. Never will they be. Never will we shuffle you aside. If you don't want a Rape scene, don't wait for your partner to prod you for consent. Do it yourself. Give a firm in their PM.. No, I do not consent to this.
If you feel bullied. Likely you ARE being bullied. Take a stance, PM the offender. Say in no uncertain terms, you aren't likeing what you see. Whats going on? Could they please stop because you don't understand and don't like feeling that way.
If you feel threatened, have been threatened. Pushed to do something you don't like. Begin a Log immediately. PM the offender. You tell them... STOP... Enough. I don't like this. Period. No uncertain terms about it. If they continue in any of these instances. Prod an Op Immediately upon one entering or one on duty. If no op is available, you have our permission for that time being for one that is threatning, to put them on IGNORE until an op shows up and can sort this out.
Please.. never feel you are not impowered in here to put a stop to something that makes you squirm. Ever. It is always in your hands to flow or stop and we are here to help you.
Don't feel that perhaps if you had an issue with an Op prior to this problem, that you cannot come to them. that they would not listen to you. They WILL or they would not be an op here.
Again to reiterate. If anyone threatens, makes you feel threatened, bullies, pushes for more then you are willing to give, you are unsure in any scene.. It is your RIGHT above all. To say no. Say no immediately. Log everything. Turn logs in.
Email address you can send logs to if no op is around. Laquera@belariath.com Stormbringer@belariath.com Ehlanna@belariath.com
Please, if someone is telling you the Ops won't listen, don't care, will tell you off about any of these issues, especially someone new to the area here in TLI.. DON'T believe that load of garbage. We ARE HERE FOR YOU... or we wouldn't be here. thats all there is to it.
Stormbringer, anything to add?
as usual ')
First off it will soon become apparent that a long term player is being removed for making others feel uncomfortable or threatened over several years
It has taken all that time for it to become an item the ops were aware of but now it has, we have acted
that it is some invitation for them to be addressed in that vein
We will not judge your tastes, what you like, what you do IC. After all, we are here for the same thing
And finally, the work of the Ops is undermined by a small number of players with a grudge who spread malicious back biting stories of how the Ops will just ignore you if you complain. Unfortunately they tend to be long established players here and are able to impress newcomers
These people aren't doing you, any favors. It might even put you off talking to an op when you MOST need them. Thats the last thing we want to see happen. We are accessible at all times. Always.
Now frankly, I don't give a flying ferret if you like me or not. But anyone who spreads that sort of negative doesn't hurt me and dosn't hurt the Ops. What they do is to help create a situation in which other players feel they have to suffer in silence or leave the game. For that reason, NOT because I care what they say about me, I'm going to start banning the selfish assholes who are so wrapped up in their own egos that they destroy faith in other players being treated seriously or fairly
that's my take on it. Anyone else?
Personally, if I do hear about people who want to undermine us, or bully other people here with things.. and I find out. Don't expect me to be nice. I will remove you with extreme prejudice.
...Perhaps we can start by introducing a way of verifying applicant's ages...
That sort of thing is kid shit. We are adults. We shouldn't be bullying people. Period
I will put this onto the MB for others to read, but above all, Players are here for you too. We've got some good ones that have always offered help. WIll always fight for you and with you. They are leaders here in TLI whether they have an @ by their name or not.
* Vysanth concurs
i hate bullying
I will also say this.
Yes I may come across as an ass, and as a total angry drak with a cinnamon roll sometimes.. I've already said this on the MB.
But, I'm not always like that.. I'm like that when I must repeat myself.
its responsibility on both parts
I'm very open.. pm me when you need something.. I'm always here.
That's why I've got this @, to help you all with problems.
Infernis, Azara, Mayalaya, Valardghast, Jolieanna, Eraelabryn, Halfmoon, Windira, Lucas, and even Marot... These people have ALWAYS been a help to us the Ops.
This is what it comes down to, op or not, you are all people
with chocolate..
you work, you have families you have responsibilities, you ...are...adults
you come here for amusement, for some time to have fun during times where you wanna cool down or chill out
This is still a serious conversation.
I've been a help? Man...I always thought I was a terrorist with beating up that inn door :/
* L`aquera chuckles at Lucas
Trust me Arch, there are others among you whom I consider greater asses. But then again, my ass is pretty big and ugly so I'm always a problem.
As a player here for over four years, I would just add that I have every faith in our OPs. Anytime that I have a had a problem it has been resolved. Half is not an OP, but is a leader as SB mentioned, and L` just confirmed. They do a great job and I for one appreciate it tremendously.
Whenever I have needed to go to an op because of some situation or another, it's been solved swiftly and without judgment of me either.
Same here, Half.
I've even been here for 5. The guys..players here are great.
Indeed. I have been here for a bit longer than Half dispite being under other character names and I've never once had a problem that wasn't solved to my satisfaction.
There are several more that will always help newcomers to the ops and fight for you. Remember, you should be here for each other. You should offer that hand out. And above all, you should be able to conduct yourselves as Adults.
* Sirena{NS} simply applauds L and Sb."having been here for many years now, that kind of behaviour that some players shows still amazes me, why can't grown up ppl act as if they are grown up? I think the ops are great and are doing a very good job. Most players too are just great."
Communication is key when you guys feel as though you are uncomfortable because chances are in a low user enviroment like this, its probably happened before, and some of you guys are friends OOC and if anything this goes to MEN AND WOMEN...communicate. I dont care how long I have been here years or minutes if someone harrassed me....I would go to someone or at least ask a friend "do you know
*insert name here* did they ever do this to you?"
We will not judge you, we do not ever share your information with others. We do not hand out names. If an op talks to someone, that is not your business that an op will discuss with you. Its a privacy matter that we hold to. So don't feel we are sitting back, pming people snickering at your troubles. Far from it.
Some of us just find it difficult at times, L'. But with support and help, I'm sure we all can do that! =)
That I have to say is the BIGGEST issue. That whole.."Seriously cannot say this ENOUGH THEY will Listen.."
An important thing to remember is that not all players are astute or can read your mind. a clear NO is much more important than simply hinting that you want things to stop, or trying to be subtle to keep from hurting someones feelings. We are all adults here, we should all be able to handle a NO
If you can stop a matter before it starts it not only saves you but maybe a potential list of others
* Eraelabryn is guilty of doing the whole.."Dont say shit..just hmm..deal..hmmm oh shit why isnt this stopping.." Until someone made her realize, thats what they are there for. And said.."What if this happened to someone else.." As a Person, NOOONE wants to see someone else be hurt.
I have to agree with that Windira.
And if the other party can't handle a no.. We will handle them.
*Nodnods*
yes. being soft can be a little problematic... I remember having to talk some pple in PM into at least giving the other person a clear NO rather than keep whining to me about it. and then after that voila.. the hassles stopped. so much for crying about it affecting their fun.. they just didn't make their sentiments clear
when something like that comes up these are things you truly have to take note of, and personally I will say it, most things people say here or the tactics they use in any form (ego stroking, the guilt trip, the angst rebel approach, the best friend) these are all tactics that are as old as most of our mothers and it doesnt change, if you feel something is suspicious hell come to me I have heard
them all. A few have and I can honestly say I am glad I helped them stop potential harrassment or just emotional games being played
The ones who do that are usually repeat habitual offenders and if you fail to say something, they'll turn around and do it to someone else...
some people feel they have to endure things they dont like to keep on amiable terms with others..and let themselves get taken advantage of...
I will agree with infernis, if they know you will bend, they will keep bending
right, Infernis
And then someone else.. and someone else.. and will go on with doing it until somebody steps in to put an end to it. And that can't happen if all of the victims are silent.
It's not always easy to say no to someone you play with. But if you don't, then the absence of a no is taken as a yes and it WILL continue. And it will inhibit our ability to help you. Remember you may be doing the person a favor by saying no. They may be really upset to think they have been doing something they thought you liked. But on the other hand, they may not care and will just keep doing it to a whole list of people
Well, they don't Zu.
I guess the fact that the channel involves adult intercourse probably leads to a higher rate of emotional attachment, in some sense, and possibly greater effectiveness of juvenile tactics like emotional blackmail angst and stuff
The point is, no matter WHAT is going on.. when your level of comfort is threatened, it IS an issue. That is the time to act. By saying something yourself, or going to someone you do trust, be it another player, or an Op.
Yeah I've had to do the same as Allister on several occasions in the past.
No one has to endure anything here.
I know its hard. I do. To say something and face redicule, ousting out from a peer group you liked. If you really feel that unimpowered, thats an Ops job to help you. Male and Females show these traits oft enough, its not just males.
Ignoring it.. pretending it didn't happen.. it's very easy to do. "Oh, it's not -that- big of a deal. I'm an adult. I can handle it." The point is, when your level of comfort has shifted, you need to take note and say to yourself that I -don't- have to endure, put up with, -anything- that makes you feel uneasy.
The biggest excuse for this is disbelief that a person is serious

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I'll end this here, but the general feelings and notations are within this chat we had just a few minutes ago.. Please read it, Empower yourself so that we the Ops and this Administration can help you. This is a problem that needs to be corrected. For all of you, and all of us..
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Don't breath, don't think.. for I am the shadow that will forever over take you..
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L`aquera
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