When no means um, yeah, maybe?

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When no means um, yeah, maybe?

Postby Ehlanna on Mon May 22, 2017 2:11 pm

Over the years it has been my privilege to be an Op here I have been involved in more than a few incidents, many of which have required logs to be provided. You will be stunned, I think and hope, at just how many of those, when reported, state that 'I told to stop but they kept right on and I can no longer deal with them ...'or words to that effect devolve down, when the actual logs are read to actually being a general trend of wibby-wobbly language neither nay- or yea-saying and in many cases, to the unbiased eye, being bordering on encouraging.

If, in PM or OOC, something distresses you, upsets you, or hits any of the wrong buttons, then you need to let the person know. You don't have to don the bots with the pointy toes and sharp heels to wade in kicking ass, etc., etc. If you already in PM with them, fine. If not and it's in OOC, ask to PM them unless it's a forbidden topic within TLI in which case hail an Op (if no Op is available comment in OOC that you think that topic is not allowed).

Once in PM with them, ask that they stop as what they are doing is not to your taste, interest, etc. Don't beat about the bush and includes it in other sentences. Just state, in a single post, "Please stop, I am not happy with this.' Or words very close to that.
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Re: When no means um, yeah, maybe?

Postby Stormbringer on Sat May 27, 2017 10:03 pm

I see time and agian the someone doesn't want to hurt another player's feelings. Or they feel obligated to do something. Either to be a 'good sport' or because it can seem to be expected in this environment.

Situations like that don't rectify themselves. They just get compounded and what could have been stopped with a single no can often lead to confusion and ill-feeling down the line. Then the Ops have to get involved and they wonder why you let it go on so long. The Ops are there to help you but you have to say no. You have to stick to it and not let anyone guilt you into where you don't want to be. Unfortunately emotional blackmail is far from unknown in here.

Just say no. Then if they won't take a no, Ehl will get those boots out for you.
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Re: When no means um, yeah, maybe?

Postby Farvel on Sat May 27, 2017 10:29 pm

Unfortunately I've seen this happen quite a few times, both in the game and IRL. When people are not interested, but are too afraid to say it because they fear what the other person will think of them. And since the other person doesn't get any feedback that they're going too far, they naturally interpret silence as consent to carry on.

It's even worse in here because, unlike IRL, you can't use body language or tone of voice to "take the hint". People can only read what words you type, so if you don't say clearly and unambiguously that you're not interested, you can't then blame them for not getting the message. And if you do state it clearly, and they carry on regardless, that's what the OPs are for.
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Re: When no means um, yeah, maybe?

Postby Ray`el on Sun May 28, 2017 5:40 pm

Indeed, and from the other side. It can be very frustrating also. Now. I am not talking to the extend Ehlanna was in the first post of this thread, not forcing someone. No one online is a Mind reader, no matter what they claim. They do not know your thoughts feelings and mindset, you have to be clear.

But if you’re losing interest, you’re not feeling a scene. Let someone Know. I always try to communicate. I try learn some ropes and boundaries of other’s rp idea’s. If you want a storyline go another way, all of us are here have fun. Talk to people, most would love to work with you.

I admit I am not everyone's cup of tea. And I have had falling out's with people in the past. When you think everything is going good ic. And find out that someone wasn't enjoying themselves it can be rough for you. i Have had it happen before, And like any relationships interest, flow, time and such can change with Rp and Friendship's online. I have had many friends in tli we stopped rping and then started rping again. Just way it happens. we all do it naturally, just flow to different partners over the time. Irl, we do it with friends and interest's all the time.

So Please, from the other side. Don’t hesitate to tell people, or act like your busy or would rp later. We all should be adult’s.
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Re: When no means um, yeah, maybe?

Postby Lozen on Wed May 31, 2017 11:52 am

I'm here purely for fun. So, yeah, I'll let anyone know if it is no fun, otherwise what is the point in playing? XD
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Re: When no means um, yeah, maybe?

Postby L`aquera on Wed May 31, 2017 2:14 pm

Example Only;

Lucy: Hey, are you playing right now? How are you! *hugs*
Danny: Nope just sitting here! I'm good good, what are you up to girl? *cuddles*
Lucy: Trying to decide if I should wear my new shirt I bought or just tie the other one up a little higher ;)
Danny: Yea? *drools* Maybe if you showed me what they look like and I can help? ;)
Lucy: No no. I'll just wear the new one, but thanks for the offer ;)
Danny: Damn girl! Gave me a warm feeling below and your gonna cut me like that? :(
Lucy: HA HA Sorry! So you aren't playing yet? Maybe I can take some of your time?


(What she could be showing is, it was 'ok' to ask that and she was perfectly comfortable giving an off hand comment assuming he got the hint.. Never assume anyone got the hint. What she should have said..)

Danny: Yea? *drools* Maybe if you showed me what they look like and I can help? ;)
Lucy: I don't mean to sound rude, but thats making me uncomfortable, I didn't mean to make it sound like you should be flirting back with me. I don't give out pictures. Ever. Ok, Danny? Thank you for understanding!
Danny: Sure sure. I get ya! So hey, did you want to play?


(You are presenting a very clear picture that while you were making small talk, it wasn't an invitation for him to go further and you aren't coming off as rude by simply stating, this is how it is. And hes not left with that dangling branch you want him to prod for more! And by the way, while I did use a male asking a female, make no mistake, there are females that will ask a male the very same thing. Gender is not a free pass for anything. No should mean No as long as its stated upfront, clear and concise.)
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