The Cyber world of Relationships

Questions and suggestions that don't fit anywhere else in this area.

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The Cyber world of Relationships

Postby L`aquera on Wed Oct 29, 2008 3:02 pm

From time to time, within IRC to Facebook, to MySpace and into other forums, you meet someone and you begin talking. Be it in IRC Channels where you Role play or simply places that you can chat about absolutely nothing.

You have that sense of freedom, you behind the screen. Because, they cannot see you, they do not know your real emotions or how you live your life. You can make up, anything, to anyone and or give out a false persona.

You do not have to answer to anyone but yourself in such an environment and yet in such an environment of being that man or woman behind the curtain, you feel safe.

Don't.

Who you meet to whom you'd like to meet. Whom you happen to fall in love with or, wish to meet and start that relationship will have an unusual baring in your life and upon you. If I could coddle you all and keep you from harm, I would, but of course, that's a false bravado to give to anyone because people, as individuals, will still do as they like and saying I wish to protect you simply won't always help you. I wish that I could but, as a person, I can give you some hints and clues and how the Admin will or won't get itself involved.

I met my husband through this world, but I took the time to get to know him. However, I could have been making a drastic mistake. He could have been making a drastic mistake. But why? Our lives are private and so are your own, but what if you thought someone was telling you all you wanted to hear and they were perfect just for you. They understood you. You clicked.

Some will demand a meeting to see if you click together. Real contact of touch of feel of sight of smell. A virtual world is nice, but its empty. Its only words on your screen, you cannot touch it, smell it, see it. And so for some, that isn't enough. For others it presents a sense of danger and excitement and they crave it. I make no judges on anyone.

But, you can be just as hurt online as you can, offline by meeting someone in the bar, at the church luncheon at the school gatherings. At college. You are still a human being that thinks and feels. The difference with online is that, you cannot actually see reactions. Hear the inflection in the voice or tell if they are lying unless you have evidence that refutes it 100% and that is difficult enough to find. We have males that come in and play females so there is a gender confusion. Are you sure you are playing with a female behind the character? No? Yes? Of course not. Because you cannot see. But you also have the right to tell people what you wish or nothing at all. Its up to you whom you trust or do not trust. Its up to you whether you think you can handle a relationship that centers around a fantasy world or a cyberspace world that doesn't touch your reality.

The danger lays within the 'not knowing' category of he said, she said. There are just as many females as there are males that play upon the deception of this cyberspace world that robs you of your three main senses. 1: Sight. 2: Touch 3: Hearing . When you take that away, it makes it very difficult to know where you really stand. You may think you know someone and they may be deceiving you. Why?

For kicks. Perhaps. Because they can? Perhaps. Because they can get away with it and you'll never know? Perhaps. Because their normal life is boring? They need that fantasy world to escape into? Perhaps. They are rich and bored, poor and needing to bolster a downed spirit. They are an average joe just looking for some excitement.

Maybe they are none of these things. Statistically we can break this down into a percentage. So perhaps you may meet 50% of people that are genuine and don't deceive you or anyone else. They don't talk about their private life because that's none of your business. And it isn't. The other 50% are needing something more then what they have. Fantasy seems more viable and more attainable then reality. These are big numbers. But to keep yourself sane and safe, you may need to look at this carefully and wonder to yourself, if you are safe from predators who are looking to bolster themselves and what happens to you, is not their problem.

Because, you are not their reality, you need to keep this in mind. Because some people, take what is said upon the internet very personally. What happens there, means much to them. And so it hurts them.

Before you get involved with someone, meaning, involved on a more deeper or romantic setting. Stop and think for yourself, if you are ready for the drama, not just the excitement. If you are ready for the baggage, not just that they whisper in your ear what you want to hear. Find out if they have a significant other and if they do, stop and make sure that if you step into that, you open a whole new can of worms that goes with it.

On an Admin side.

TLI.. will not do anything about romances gone wrong. I'm sorry to say that. But your private lives and your PM's unless they directly interfere within the channel and begin 'stirring the pot' as we call it, or you are trying to make someones life miserable by spreading a false rumor just because you feel they did you wrong? We will not involve ourselves. We will listen to you on a personal level. Of course. But unless that relationship you are having begins interfering within the channel itself and begins drama to involving others, we actually can do nothing. Its not our business. We won't ban anyone for having a romance. Unless.. well, see above. We will not ban someone because you wrote the admin and said.. She's telling my boyfriend to leave me! I'm sorry.. but that is not our problem. This is a Role Playing channel. It is not, Let us Solve your personal lives. Channel. It is not, As the World Turns. I know this sounds harsh. But we cannot involve ourselves in your side worlds or what you chose to involve yourselves in. Because.. we are a channel or community of role players, but your private life, is your own. We will not judge. We will not tell everyone your personal issues that were brought to us. Above all, if someone outside the channel comes to us in email form or otherwise and is complaining about you. We cannot do anything for them. Just as we cannot do anything for you but lend an ear, give advice if you wish it. And keep things private, where they belong.

But, I urge you all, to keep these words in mind. DO not use TLI as some safety net to pick up chicks to men and think, The Admin won't get involved, so I'm safe! Keep in mind that if the drama spills into our ooc rooms to other people, we will indeed, remove you to them to putting a ban on the person harassing from the side lines to protect the rest of our players. That, we can do and will do.

This is not pointed at anyone. This is not anyone's fault. This is simply a word of advice. If you have a shaky home life, and you come here to escape, OK. If you have a shaky home life and you come here however to find someone to escape into something of a fantasy life... I honestly do not suggest it. Not because its against our rules, but because it is not mentally healthy for you. Its best to turn and face your reality head on and work things out. Once you feel you can escape your life or husband or wife here by involving yourself with someone else that stimulates you in a fantasy setting, be aware that now, you are hurting not only yourself, but others as well. We are not Hookmeup!.com We are Belaritha.com where role playing of characters is enacted. Of characters. Notice the separation. Your character is not you, they may hold a small part of you, or your quirks or a bit of your looks, but honestly, they are not you and you should be careful of crossing that line as well.
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Re: The Cyber world of Relationships

Postby petal on Thu Oct 14, 2010 11:43 pm

ty for this really excellent post.
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