Legends of Belariath
Emma
An Awful Story
I sit here, alone in the inn, by the fire.
I sketch and I think and I hum the tunes of other times and other places, of who I was.
Who am I now?
Am I the child of my parents?
They raised me in seclusion, taught me manners, taught me to read and write, taught me to be pretty and polite. Raised me and kept me as a treasure, a commodity to be traded with another merchant house as a marriage token to make their house stronger.
Am I who I thought I was as a child?
I was a princess, I lived in a high castle with all my friends from my storybooks. The noble centaurs, the wise elves, the gruff but caring dwarves. I looked from my high window to the city below and imagined wonders, not horrors. I dread to think what unicorns will turn out to be in the real world.
Am I who my friends thought me to be?
I had no friends save those in my own mind who thought of me as the princess. My brother and sister weren't friends, they were just people who shared the playroom and messed up my books and drawings. A servant boy smiled at me once, I smiled back and he was whipped for his trouble, I never saw him again.
Am I who my enemies thought me to be?
Enemies? I only hated my governess, and only because I couldn't hate my parents back then. I could do nothing right for her, I was never enough of a lady, I spent too much time with my silly books and she would hit me for it.
Am I who my lovers thought me to be?
I had none until my virginity was taken from me in the town, the very day I arrived. Half against my will, a pattern that has continued since.
Should I have run away?
I yearned to be free, to get away from that room, from that cloistered life, to run free and wild and see the world from my books.
The world wasn't what was promised in the books.
It's darker, crueler.
I tried to go home, but word of what was done to me reached the ears of my parents.
They disowned me.
I cannot go home.
I have no family.
All I have is the inn, with pain and misery to look forward to, endless rape and pain.
Where do I go now?
Where?
Who am I now?