Legends of Belariath
Kalciane
Dreams
Everyone had to sleep eventually, and more often than not when one went to sleep, one dreamed as well. In this land of magic and lust, however, dreams were more than the simple stuff of prankster spirits who had decided to slip into an unconscious mind for the duration of a night to wreak mischief. More often than not they were regarded as a portent of sorts, a ways of scrying the future or perhaps unlocking the secrets buried in the past. Though abstract in tone and style, they were not a sign to be taken lightly...
Kalciane dreamed, wrapped in the veils of deep slumber within the walls of the magic tower of Unigo. She had never dreamt often, and each time it had always held significance. Her first dream - not that she remembered it anymore - had been when she was still a young torian, born with wings of white and fiery red hair. The dream, had she been able to recall it, would have terrified her. There was nothing but a massive, looming figure garbed in deep lavender, holding a wickedly curved blade in its hands. The day after the dream, she was Rolebirthed as Culler of the Dulcifer clan.
Her second dream was right before she lost control for the first time, and it too was nothing but a splash of color, a crimson that dripped thickly from an impenetrable wall of black in rivulets. Then she simply stopped dreaming for a while; indeed, she nearly lost all ability to cohesively think for a long time. It was then that she was still fully within the throes of insanity, a Tainted being in every sense of the word. Only after she was finally caught did she finally begin to realize herself once more.
But whatever it was that the archmage did to her, it had its share of side-effects. Her wings, once glorious and white, became a deep, sullen purple... the tint settling into her hair as well to create an interesting shade. Her dreams, rare before, grew even less common and seemed to fade away altogether - that is, until the night before her life shattered once more.
And since then, her nights had typically been quiet, save for when she was exercising her keen interest in matters of the flesh... except for tonight.
This dream was distinctly different. Instead of the loose, tangential images that usually flickered through her mind's eye, she clearly saw herself through her own eyes, within her body and yet without simultaneously. The room was a pure white, so bright that the seams were invisible to her eye; she may as well have been standing in a cloud. There was no sense of surprise, only an inevitable weariness as she saw her two other selves step into view from seemingly nowhere.
She was mildly surprised upon seeing herself twice over, mostly because she didn't use a mirror most of the time - that, and the fact that her two others were garbed very differently. While the Culler still had her black and gold dress, the Taint seemed to be wrapped in something that looked like a shiny leather cocoon that was both imposing and revealing at the same time, the shoulders of the outfit flaring upwards above her head and outwards from her legs. Kalciane peered down at her own rather mundane dress, a simple cotton affair dyed blue, and blinked back up at them in silence.
”What are you doing here?” she said softly, immediately noting how weak and mild her voice was. By the time she made a conscious effort to be louder, though, she had already finished, leaving the two others to glare at her imperiously.
”What am *I* doing *here*?” the Taint demanded, her eyes glittering a venomous green. “No, no, allow me to clarify the question for my own benefit: what am *I*... doing *here*. Is that what you asked of me?”
Kalciane, the Shadow, lowered her gaze. The Taint's loud screaming frightened her, and now that she was apart from the others in the dream-world, she found herself suddenly devoid of any kind of strength.
”I... it was o-only a question,” she said tinily.
”Pathetic. Simply pathetic.” The Culler strode towards her, reaching out to grip the Shadow's chin and tilt it upwards so that their eyes met. Kalciane could only stare into those light blue eyes before her face, her body beginning to instinctively tremble slightly in fear.
”Why do you get to become the dominant one?” the Culler-Kalciane continued, pushing the Shadow-Kalciane away. Her dress swished about her legs as she paced restlessly about the white “room”. “What makes you deserve such a Role?”
”I - I never asked to become - “ the Shadow began.
”Oh, of course not. Of course not!” the Taint interrupted, grinning widely at her. “But you know... none of us asked to become what we are now, my dear Kally. That *is* your name, right?”
The Shadow bunched her hands into fists, looking up at the twisted visage of the Taint with something akin to anger. “Please do not call me that!”
”Such a tiny mewl of protest. I find it adorable.” The Taint snickered before turning away from her, continuing in her ranting. “None of us asked to become what we are now, Kally. I used to be a true torian... a normal whitewing named Valcione... until I was given my Role by that bitch, Genifere. My Elder - “
”How *dare* you refer to our Elder in such a fashion!” the Culler shouted, wheeling upon the Taint. “You will show respect for the ways of our Clan, my Taint.”
The Taint simply smiled back in a fashion that indicated she was terribly amused. “I stopped caring the day I sank the Will Knife into that young, delicious boy who screamed so nicely for me...” she murmured.
”Stop it!” the Shadow snapped, a bit surprised almost at the sound of her own voice. “... please... just stop. I don't want to hear this... I don't want to be here... I want to wake up...”
”Save us the trouble and end your own existence,” the Culler intoned coldly. “You have no right to use my power for your own interest.”
”You have no right to use my friends for your own interest!” the Shadow shot back, trembling more now. Her heart was beating rapidly in her chest in both dream and bed. “I'm not going to let you hurt anybody anymore! Look what you did already!”
”Oh, but that is where you are wrong, my dear Kally,” the Taint interjected. “You see, it was not the Culler that tried to kill Mayalaya. It was me.”
Shadow-Kalciane glanced up at her Taint, who was grinning from ear to ear as if speaking the words was simply the most delightful sin she had ever partaken of. Words refused to come to her, and she could only utter a shocked, incoherent stutter in response.
”Surprised? Oh, I am terribly sorry, but you know...” Taint-Kalciane had taken to sitting upon a white chair that had materialized from nowhere, one leg crossed over the other in a posture that would have been sensuous on any other person. “... I am shocked you never knew there was so much of you, Kally. Shocked and horrified, do you hear?”
”So... much of me?” The words were confusing to her, and she blinked instinctively. “What do you mean?”
”In the beginning, there was only myself... Valcione of Dulcifer, a fallen whitewing who enjoyed her Role just a *little* too much for her own good.”
She flashed another wide grin at Shadow-Kalciane, much to the girl's dismay. “And I survived quite long. No... not survived. *Lived*. I lived, Kally, as no other Culler lived. So many perceive their life's task as a burden and a dishonor, the stuff of nightmares. But I saw it as opportunity, a chance for life... for only with death comes new life. Without the end of the weaker parts, the whole cannot grow stronger. *That* is what being a Culler is about, and yet no one seems to understand!”
The Culler smirked. “But neither do you. My foolish Taint, despite her claims otherwise, does *not* understand. A Culler's task is not simply to kill and destroy, and this is where she failed to understand. A Culler nurtures those with potential as well, raising them into worthy beings instead of simply destroying all she deems to be useless. And in the end, her slayings caught up to her, and she was torn away from the forefront of our mind by that archmage. From there, I was born.”
Culler-Kalciane reached forward to peer intently at her Shadow, looking almost maternal for the briefest of moments as her hand stroked along the girl's cheek. “I was like you once. I knew nothing, and was afraid of all I saw. The slightest shout, the sudden action... I was lost in a world, cut adrift by a warlock who saw fit to redesign my life in his own plan.”
”You are nothing like me,” the Shadow whispered fearfully, the touch sending thrills of revulsion creeping through her flesh.
”How little you understand, even by your own admittance,” the Culler continued, withdrawing upon seeing the unfavorable reaction. “My Taint used me, much like I do you... except I could not ever feel the rush of climax, or the joys of love without that portion of my soul that had been locked away with the Taint. Consider yourself fortunate, 'Kally'.”
But this made no sense to her, and she frowned. “If you care so much for me, why do you do what you do, then?” the Shadow said a bit sulking.
”Simply because you do not realize what it is you lead yourself into.” The Culler turned away so that her back was facing the Taint's. “I will not allow others to manipulate you again. Though I have little use for you, I require this body to remain whole... and you are the one who holds it.”
”Of all the damnable luck!” the Taint screeched, gesticulating wildly. “I am the eldest! I should have rights to being Kalciane... not you!”
Shadow-Kalciane shrunk away from the sudden outburst. “S-so why was I made, then? I thought I knew, but I guess I still have things to learn, even about myself...”
The Culler looked very bitter all of a sudden. “You were not 'made'. You were an accident.”
”Ha! She is simply afraid to speak the truth!” the Taint crowed, leaping up from her seat. “You came to light, shall I say, because the Culler was weak!”
”... I am *not* weak.” Culler-Kalciane turned to look up at the Taint, scowling angrily.
”You loved... you partook of that emotion which was locked away with me... and because you did, it only hurt more when the inevitable came about,” the Taint said smoothly. “How did it feel, Culler? To let yourself open up like that only to be crushed by the world around you? How does it feel to see our Shadow love so openly and yet never suffer the same?”
The Culler screamed.
”It is not *fair!*” she retorted, fingers curling to claw futilely at the air. “Why? *Why* must I adhere to my Role while you freely reject it, to live so easily and openly?!”
”... but that was your decision,” the Shadow pointed out.
”It was my Elder's decision!” the Culler shouted back. “I never wanted to be a Culler! I knew what it would mean for me! But I had no choice... I was given none!”
”Then why do you let yourself be so mean?” Shadow-Kalciane continued, her voice calm despite her counterpart's mounting anger. She suddenly felt herself smile, for whatever reason.
”She simply knows nothing else,” the Taint chimed in, still sounding as amused as ever in the face of the Culler's sudden screaming fit. “Do you know why she loathes you so, my Shadow? Because she sees the life she could have had in you, borne out of her suffering at losing everything in her existence. She considers herself to have no purpose outside of her Role, which is why she throws so much of herself into fulfilling it.”
”But it's impossible to be one way all the time,” the Shadow said, watching as the Culler managed to calm herself gradually. “Even I'm not the same all the time. Sometimes I'm said... sometimes I'm very happy, and other times I just want to be alone... emotions, right? These are called emotions.”
”Indeed, Kally,” the Taint said, nodding sagely and moving to place one arm about her shoulders. “These are the emotions you will come to experience and cherish - “
The Culler whipped her arm outwards, a ring of knives materializing about her hand in a flash of silver. “Do not touch her!”
But the Taint simply smirked. In a blur of motion she was behind her Shadow, holding a long-bladed knife in one hand to her throat. “I will take great pleasure in destroying this one's life as well, sweet Culler,” she crooned, flattening the blade against Shadow-Kalciane's neck flesh.
”'As well'? What do you mean, 'as well?'” she murmured, wriggling in protest. What was going on? Even in her own dreams, things were incomprehensible.
”Do you really think that the Culler went from being a shy, demure girl into what she is now of her own accord?” the Taint said mirthlessly. “In the end, I am still the true Kalciane, born Valcione. And I will Taint you, as I have Tainted the Culler...”
Shadow-Kalciane felt her stomach drop. “Stop it... please...” she whimpered.
”I will not allow it.” The ring of six knives moved quicker about Culler-Kalciane's hand, angling themselves to rotate almost perfectly parallel to the ground. “If I cannot have a peaceful existence, I will not allow my Shadow to be denied it. This is why I test you, my Shadow... because you need to learn to be strong, to resist temptation.”
”You are not going to succeed, you know,” the Taint replied lazily, rather enjoying their wordplay. “See how laughably weak she is against you even now. She stands no chance against me.”
”So why don't you just take me, then..?” Shadow-Kalciane murmured. “If I'm so helpless, you two could fight for me and I would be unable to resist... why don't you?”
Silence. And in that moment, the Shadow realized that she was not powerless, that they did fear her, in their own ways.
”Is it because I have emotions? Because I can feel everything the Taint does, but not wish for death? That I could be as powerful as the Culler, without losing myself to my Role?” She brushed the Will Knife away from her throat gently as if it was a loose lock of hair. “... is it because I can become greater than either of you?”
Her hands lifted outwards of their own accord, and she felt the weight of Mienshade settle into her palms. “I will not be afraid of either of you. The Culler shall be my strength, and the Taint shall be my heart.”
”I will *not*,” the two facets replied in unison.
And then Kalciane woke up.
She peered around, loose strands of hair falling in her face. She brushed them away with one hand, blinking in the soft illumination of the moonlight through the window of the room. She could feel the warmth of the one who slept next to her, and in that instant she felt herself relaxing immediately. With a sigh, Kalciane sank back against the sheets and closed her eyes, nestling close towards that warmth so close to herself, wondering if any of that dream had meant anything at all.