Legends of Belariath

Morrigan Aensland

"Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep"

final journal entry

Iím writing these final words as I struggle to draw the next breath. Soon enough, I shall have drawn my last. I wish only for death now..for it means the end of all the suffering and pain that I have been made to experience in the last few weeks. No one cares about me anymore. All they are is out to hurt me and cause me more pain. I only want to die now, and go to a place where I wonít have to worry about being hurt anymore....no more pain. Such a wonderful concept...

People wish for me to live...so selfish they are, wishing for me to live and suffer more pain. They only care to see me alive because they are selfish and care nothing for the way I feel or the things I wish for. While the world around me continues with its blatant stupidity, its pointless fornication and idiotic facades, I will be laying here in this bed, in this room, blissfully and willfully sinking into oblivion, and no one will be the wiser for it.

Let them go about thier whoring ways, striving to find the dayís best lay..I shall be laying here without care or worry, for my life will be over. Ah, sweet oblivion..your embrace I long for. To let myself sink for eternity into your arms is a prospect that I look forward to with much relish. I am tired of the broken hearts and the pain, of the men who stab me in the heart and twist the knife so cruelly when they come to me.

I am weary of the constant suffering, of the endless struggling. I am tired of being taken advantage of and of being taken for granted. I am sick of being treated as if I am nothing more than a bothersome child that people only deal with out of politeness. And most of all, I am through dealing with that man...that dark-skinned bastard that stubbornly refused to ease my broken heart and instead watched me suffer and cry for him whenever he came around me.

He did nothing but bring me pain and heartache, and to me his claims of not wishing to do such are a cruel, ironic joke. The irony lies in his claiming those things at the very moment he was committing them. It was cruel for him to do those things to me, but the cruelest thing he could have ever done was tell me that he loves me, but just could not for whatever reason ever spend any time with me..not even to ease the pain in my heart. Tell me...are those the words a man who loves someone as much as he said he did would speak? I, for one think not, and I think that his words and actions towards me were only said and done because he takes pleasure in seeing me suffer. I may be wrong, but regardless, that is how I feel.

And so now I lay here writing these words, as I can feel my body becoming weaker...my breaths are short and shallow, and I am having some difficulty writing. Story, if you see these words after I have left this mortal coil, realize I blame you not for what you did, for you must have had your own reasons. However, I want you to know that you could have done something to prevent my death, and all it would have taken was for you to grant me that one night in your arms to ease the pain.

Here now I end my words for the final time. All I could have said here has been said. To Giselle and Beatrix, I shall say goodbye, and that I always loved you two, and I always will. Please continue to live on without me, for that is my final command to the both of you. So, here I say my farewells to all of you who did care for me...I am grateful to have had such wonderful friends in my life. Take care of yourselves...

My final moment draws nigh, and before I have to go I want to say one last thing.....

I still love you Story...I always will..You..were....(And here the writing becomes unintelligible. a line of ink running from the final letter that marks the path of her hand as it became limp and slid from the page. Thus ends the final entry in Morrigan Aenslandís journal)