Legends of Belariath
Monique Santos
Escape Through Poetry
It has been said, that the mind, is the only escape from Reality, but what happens when the mind is locked into two different places? When the holding of two different personalities is its central core? From Tribeswoman to Human, from light to dark, the path begins to separate, molding those two into one person. The journey is for self awareness of the Spirit, and the only dictation of those would be to pour the soul and spirit out onto paper. An escape from the Mind that holds all of these.
This is only a glimpse at who Monique Santos really is, her thoughts, her feelings… From the Inner Turmoil, to finally explanation of Truth.
Silence...
Silence is the creation of my pain. My soul is an ocean of devastation. A
single tear slipping down my cheek, represents a fraction of escaped
sanity. My life strand which is so desperately trying to soar, is slowly
wilting. The passion inside me is fierce in its pleas of Freedom, but it's
kept tightly caged. My spirit which once burned bright, is now being buried
alive. The beautiful laughter and radiant light that used to burn in my
eyes, has been reduced to an ember. My existence which once was replenished
by unrequited love, is being eliminated. Silence is the birth of my
suffering. Silence is the death of myself. But I won't go quietly, or
without a fight...
---
Time
Time has passed with seasons gone.
My love still flows for you ever so strong.
A sweet caress whispers your name.
Worlds collide we are one in the same.
Declaring time at a stand still.
Forgotten in a hazy glow.
The world could stop, The wind won't blow, And we wouldn't even know.
---
If You Knew...
You say you know what it's like. You say you've walked this path before.
You say you've been through this confusion. You say you've tread these same
footsteps that I am now, yeah...You say you've dreamed the same dreams and
watched them die. You say you've been in this same spot that I stand in
now. You say you know what it's like to be me...
But baby, if you knew, If you really knew...Then you wouldn't know. If you
truly understood what it was like to be me, Then Baby, you'd say you didn't
know.
You don't know the pain I've been through. You never suffered inside of me.
You've never lived my anger. You've never witnessed the storm raging in my
heart. You've never seen the world through my eyes. You've never heard the
whispers with my ears. You've never felt a touch with my fingers. You don't
know the weariness of my body and soul at the end of the day...
But Baby if you knew, If you really knew...Then you wouldn't know. If you
truly understood what it was like to be me, Then Baby, you'd say you didn't
know.
You can never walk the same path as me...things are never the same. You
don't know what it's like...And if you did, Then Baby, you'd say you didn't
know.
---
Because of You...
In the morning, when I awaken. The first word that lays upon my lips, is
your name. A sense of awe and wonder fills my mind. My heart beats, and the
blood flowing throughout my body...Sing with the love I have for you. My
eyes are shining true and bright, I look around, everything glows with a
special light. I breathe in deeply, taking it all in. A smile forms on my
face.
And all because of you.
In an instants time, I remember. Your name still hangs on my lips, but the
sense of awe and wonder is replaced with sadness, deafening in its
intensity. Every beat of my heart...feels like a dagger, stabbing
repeatedly. My love still flows for you, but now it's acid in my veins. The
light that burned so fiercely in my eyes, has dimmed, the desperation
shining so clear. Everything darkens, and I can no longer see where there
had been light. My breathing turns ragged, my lungs hurt with each
shuddering breath. The hope, the faith, the reasons I believed, have now
vanished.
And all because of you...
---
Shut Down...
Unrequited love burns. Tears of anguish flow, no longer held at bay.
Pained eyes glaze over, blind to reality, focused on the raging storm
inside. A broken soul clings to shattered dreams, the only illusions of
comfort that still remain. Control slips silently out of unsteady hands,
which never truly grasped it. Lips tremble, clamping shut to drown out
mutilated cries of suffering. Crumbled walls of precaution begin to gather,
constructing barriers against the outside world. The cold steel door of the
soul, with fractured cracks, slowly begins to swing shut, sealing the
individual in blinding solitude. A fatal wound is formed, with no hope of
healing. Clarity, understanding, reality...vanish without leaving a path to
follow. Confusion, doubt, uncertainty settle in as your new best friends. A
spirit's light dims almost to the point of relinquishing. A broken heart
shudders, silently vowing to never again welcome the illusion of love into
its bleeding core. Dreams and hopes reveal cruelty and crushing falseness.
Faith is forever lost as the last tear falls to the splintered ground. The
heart and soul harshly left out in the open, naked, stripped of pride and
dignity. A road of shadows lays ahead. Lost eyes sadly turn heavenward,
wondering how they ever found the strength to believe...when there never
was anything to believe in.
The burning flame extinguishes...darkness prevails
---
Faith
You held out your hand, offering hope, dreams and wishes. Silently
demanding my trust, a leap of faith. Within your beautiful eyes, I searched
for the truth. Opening my heart, I breathed in the song of your soul.
Listening to the beat of your heart, our spirits mingled, becoming one.
Whispered words of endearment. Bittersweet breathtaking kisses. Strong
gentle arms holding fast. Iridescent luminous pools shining light. Radiant
warmth born to life from a single caress.
Daring to believe, I reached out. Entwining my fingers with yours, sealing
a sacred bond. My heart I give you. My soul surrounds you. My spirit sings
to you. Your life reflects in my eyes. Your name lies upon my lips.
Your love resides within my tattered self, healing me from inside.
Breathing light into the shadows. In exchange, I offer you my love, my
dreams, my hopes, my wishes, myself.
---
Lost...
Falling dreams, Shattered hopes, Dying wishes...
I turn my head, I close my eyes, But the images still burn bright. I try
not to see, but I am not blind. I try not to feel, but my heart is still
beating.
Suffering cries, Painful sobs, Chilling whimpers...
I have heard them all, I have seen the devastation. I can't escape,
Everywhere I run, They follow the path of my footsteps.
Silent tears slip down my cheek, I show you a smile, when inside I'm
falling apart. My own trembling cries...are now mixed with the rest. And
you don't know, you don't hear, you don’t' see, you don't listen.
It's all to much, I can't keep going, and yet I must. How much longer must
I walk this tight-rope called life? When will I fall?
Multiplying fears, Numerous doubts, Nonexistent purity, Infinite loneliness,
Raging anger, Lost innocence, Forgotten love.
What will it take to find the path? What will it cost me?
I have everything...and yet nothing.
---
Life...
If I scream, will you hear me? If I cry, will you see my tears? If I
whimper, will you know my fear? If I bleed, will you feel my pain? If I
die, will you believe I was alone?
When I shatter, do the pieces cut you? When my walls come crashing down,
does my vulnerability frighten you? When I lose all hope, do you feel the
darkness setting in? When my faith has vanished, does your will start to
crumble?
Can you look in my eyes, and retain your smile? Can you hold me in your
arms, and not start to tremble as I do? Can you witness my soul, and
maintain your sanity? Can you listen to my sobs, and not shed your own
tears? can you touch my heart, and come away unscathed?
Let me hear your laughter, maybe I'll smile a little. Let me see your
happiness, maybe my eyes will open. Let me taste your spirit, maybe I'll
start to heal. Let me know you care, maybe I'll begin to believe. Let me
feel unconditional love, maybe I'll want to live.
---
Mystical Winds
Mystical winds blow from far off places, Whispering dreams, wishes,
tortured souls plead their cases. Darkness falls, shadows come to life and
start their seductive dance. Lifeless hands grasping the unknown, Saddened
eyes cry their tales, as if in a trance..
---
Instants Time...
Souls bleed, Words betray, Eyes holdfast, Spirits scream, Actions lie,
Hearts freeze...
Silent tears go unheard, Mumbled words at that which hath occurred. Gentle
hands steadily shaking, Abandoned heart left for thy taking.
Shattered memories, linger rotten, Relinquish fear, that shall not be
forgotten.
Bruised hopes, Shattered dreams, A tattered soul, Awaits the agonizing
screams...
Suffering tears, Tortured cries, Mortal wounds, Immortal pain, Inferior
understandings, Eternal solitude...
---
Confused...
I've shed a thousand tears, I've died a thousand deaths inside, I've nursed
a tattered heart, I’ve rebuilt a shattered dream, I've cradled false hopes,
I've loved the impossible, I've created a broken soul...
My spirit is still fighting...my flame is still burning...my dreams are
still hoping. But my eyes are still crying...my heart is still
bleeding...my soul is still weeping. I need a hand to hold...a friend to
hug...a shoulder to lean on. My cries are silent...my pleading muted...my
asking unheard.
My eyes are begging...but my hand is afraid to reach out. You see my
stubbornness...you see a cold heart...you see me pulling away...you see a
brush off.
But you don't see my eyes...and you don't hear my cries...and you don't
know I'm asking.
I act tough, I say I don't need you...I blow you off, I don't let you
in...But I'm scared...and I do need you.
---
You Broke Me
I gave you all my love. I gave you my heart. I gave you everything I was.
And you took it all. You took away my light, My strength, My spirit, My
soul, You broke me.
I gave you my inner beauty, you smeared and disfigured it. I gave you my
innocence, you shredded it and twisted it into all the evil known to man. I
gave you my life, and you killed it.
I used to look at life with a purity shining in my eyes, Now I see only
pain and suffering. I used to embrace the twists and turns life threw at
me, Now I wince and try to hide. I used to face life with strength and
courage, Now I run scared.
You bruised my soul, You slashed my smile, You crippled my pride, You
burned my strength, You bloodied my light, You tortured my heart...You
Broke Me.
---
Breaking...
I will not break, Not today anyways. Or maybe just not right now.
I can feel the tears, Pushing hard to get out. But I have to keep them back
a little longer.
I can see my hands trembling, The steady rhythmic shaking. So I make a fist
to hide it.
I hear the sobs, Trying to come out. But I have to stay quiet just a little
while more.
I sense my emotions, they're slowly breaking through. But I have to block
them for just a few more moments.
I will not break, Not today anyways. Or maybe just not right now.
---
Do You Know...
Do you know what it's like, to go to bed at night, and wish you wouldn't,
wake up in the morning, because you just can't, take any more pain? Do you
know what it's like, to feel, the sting of tears, biting at the back, of
your eyes, every single day, because your body, just can't, hold in,
everything, you're going through? Do you know what it's like, to scream, in
your pillow, so no one will hear, and to kick and punch, your bed, because
you're trying, to take out, your suffering, on something, you can't hurt?
Do you know what it's like, to be me?
---
Don't Give Up On Me
I'm so tired, of looking at a person's back, as they walk away.
I don't know if I can handle it, if you do it to.
Why does everyone that I love, walk away from me?
Please don't give up, not when I need you so much.
Do you know, that when I am silent, Inside I am screaming your name,
begging, pleading for you not to go?
Do you know, that when you turn your back, It's all I can do to hold in the
tears, because it hurts when you leave?
Do you know, that when you walk away, My fingers twitch, aching to reach
out and stop you?
Do you know, that you bring me smiles and laughter, and when you are gone,
I can no longer find them, except within the memory of you?
Do you know, the pang in my heart, every time I see you?
Do you know, how much I long to hold you, and never have to let go?
Do you know, that my soul is singing your song, that my heart is calling
your name, or have you already gone deaf?
Do you know, how very much I need you, or have you gone to far and
forgotten?
Why, why does everyone walk away, when in my heart I love them?
Don't give up, not on me, I am tired of being the one forsaken, so I ask of
you now, Don't give up on me.
---
Lost Love
Why can't I move on? Why can't I let it go? Why do the tears still come?
Why can't I deal with it? Why does it hurt so much? Why can't I get over
you?
Why do I still want you? Why do I miss your voice? Why do I crave your
warmth? Why do I remember your words? Why do I still feel your touch? Why
do I need you close?
Why do I hear you singing to me? Why does everything remind me of you? Why
do I listen to the song you wrote me? Why do I wear your sweatshirt? Why do
I keep your picture by my bed? Why do I see you in my dreams?
Why do I have to live the pain? Why do I have to replay the memories? Why
do I have to feel the sadness? Why do I have to keep hoping against hope?
Why do I have to drown in despair? Why do I have to be in constant
loneliness?
Why do I suffer? Why do I care? Why do I still love you?
---
Passing Me By..
Life slips farther from my fragile grasp each day, quietly moving by,
unseen, unheard. Emptiness, despair, sadness, glistening tears form and
silently escape my hooded eyes. So many memories, years fly by, leaving me
wondering where they have gone. Wasted time, unfulfilled childhood dreams,
cascading through my shadowed thoughts. Swallowing hard, I fight back the
strangled cry that lies upon my lips. I close my eyes, damp eyelashes cling
to my flushed cheeks, feeling everything in me crumble and shatter into
complete chaos.
Control, always just out of my reach.
Alone, afraid, empty, sad, I'm surviving. Standing on the sidelines,
watching life pass me by.
---
Forgiveness
I've been stripped. I've been damaged. I've been broken.
My soul's been bared. My heart's been betrayed. My spirit's been tormented.
Bruised, battered, beaten... Alone, confused, angered... Tortured, used,
shattered...
I've been lied to, I've been cheated upon, I've been played.
Deceit, carelessness, cold... Pain, shamed, sadness... Hurting, revulsion,
jealousy...
I've been through it all. I've lived and died a thousand lives inside.
Emotions raw, Crumbled pride, Left open and naked, for all the world to
witness my scars. Through all your destruction, I'm still standing.
No walls, no boundaries, no masks...Just me. And I'm still breathing, still
living, still feeling, still dreaming, still hoping, still believing.
Everything taken from me, except myself...my thoughts...my emotions...my
inner faith...
Head held high, eyes open wide, the slightest of smiles...
I forgive you.
---
A Mother and Father
The smell of my mother's perfume, the warmth of my father's hugs, their
comforting gestures, all make me feel wanted.
Memories of bedtime stories, Singing soft and sweet lullabies, Good night
kisses and meaningful “I love you's”, Keep me warm at night.
A mother's hypnotizing voice, The laughter of a father, Open arms all day
and night, comfort me when I'm scared.
Reminiscing about shadow puppets, dressing in mommy's and daddy's clothes,
laughing over the tickle-monster fights, always brighten my smile.
Special notes in my lunch from mom, the monsters dad caught and threw away,
the faces that never stopped loving, make the tears disappear.
Reliving their praising words, the bragging that never stopped, eyes that
constantly shone proud, help me get up, when I fall down.
The bond between a mother and daughter, a promise from a father, acceptance
from all around, are making up, what I am to be.