Legends of Belariath
Philana
The Path of a Reluctant Hierophant
Part 1: The Birth of a Druid
Philana moved through the woods headed home empty handed yet again a frown upon dark lips, she was in a sour mood, it had been a week of unsuccessful hunts, a week of faltering concentration and periods where she couldn’t remember a thing that had happened, waking up in strange places at odd times of both day and night.
The kitten didn’t understand what was happening to her, while she felt more connected to the world around her she was disconnected from herself. Her limbs felt heavy and useless, each step taken driving her to the point of exhaustion forcing her to rest several times on the short trek back to her home. Even the nightly soaks in the hot springs unable to relieve the tension in her slight form as if a weight had settled upon her shoulders and could not be lifted.
But that was not what had the dark kitten in such a sour mood, the rest as a mild annoyance compared to the constant ach in her heart, a pain this kitten simply was not used too, of loss and helplessness. It felt as if a part of her was being taken, ripped from her spirit, and all she could do was accept it. For someone used to fighting this feeling of helplessness was agony, all she was left with was a deep seeded anger at the world and everything in it.
Offering a sigh as she reached the spring at the back of her house the kitten quickly shed her clothing and slipped into the arm waters. While she knew it wouldn’t do anything to ease the ach in her muscles and the tension in her body it did help calm her nerves. She found the nightly soaks soothing to the mind, spending more and more time within the water each day, sometimes an entire night passing as she relaxed in the liquid contemplating the events of the past day, trying to figure out where she had faltered.
This night however, was different. After a few relaxing hours within the pool she found herself driven out of the warmth of the water to seek her bed. After the long week behind her she needed sleep, so she climbed from the spring and walked the short distance to the back of her house, slipping inside and down the hall to her room, the thin layer of fur on her body dry before ever reaching her bed.
She found the room behind the door dark and cold, having not used it in so long it seemed foreign to her, she felt out of place in the stuffy chamber. The feeling was a bit unsettling, after all this was her home, but the kitten was to weary to dwell upon the feeling. Moving about the room in the darkness she would open the two windows on either side of her bed before crawling into the oversized thing and snuggling herself beneath the fur blanket.
The kitten was asleep before the blanket settled about her, exhaustion making it impossible for her to stay awake any longer. For hours she slept comfortably, restfully, then the dreams started, if you could call them dreams:
Philana found herself surrounded by inky darkness, only a swirling green mist providing substance to the emptiness. She floated within that mist searching with her eyes for any sign of life, any sign of movement beyond her own. She found nothing. Opening her other senses she felt a sense of rightness about her, the mist smelled of the earth in all its forms. While no sound greeted her the mist felt comfortable, flowing around her body like a protective shell; for a moment a sense of peace entered her heart.
For a moment Then the mist started moving faster, shrinking about her. The feeling of constriction forced her to look down at her own body, terror filled her mind at the sight she saw, the swirling green mist about her wrapped itself around her body sinking into her pores , mingling itself with her blood and spirit. The dark green mingled in her ebony fur brightening to a shimmering emerald, even the black taking on a tint of green. The mist became a part of her, marking her, yet still she felt a sense of rightness, however muted by terror, enveloping her.
The mist disappeared into her body and then the voices started like a swarm of bees thousands of chirps, clicks, screeches, peeps, barks and howls swam over her, words forming in the myriad of conflicting sounds, at first unintelligible, until, one by one, she understood what they said.
The kitten woke with a scream when the voices became too much for her to bear, a sheen of cold sweat coating her body, causing her to shiver even in the warmth of the blanket. While wrapping her arms about her Philana noticed the brightness to her body, a distinct emerald glow about her form. Thinking it caused by her tiredness and the glow of the moon, she laid back down, wrapping the fur tightly about her body and slept again, this time soundly.
For months this went on, weeks spent in a haze of fuzzy exhaustion, days bleeding into nights. The kitten became muted, the vibrancy that once she was fading with each new dream she had. Always the same, these dreams that plagued her at weeks end, yet each somehow different, changed. The Kitten didn’t notice the changes within herself, how the deep forest green strands of hair within the dark ebony fur lightened to a shimmering emerald or how, when the sun hit her just right,, the ebony fur would shimmer with a deep forest green. She didn’t notice how the cold grey of her eyes softened to a startling seafoam green; how the world about her reacted to her presence, singing and glowing with life and beauty, wherever she walked. To Philana the changes were nonexistent, the once vibrant kitten lost in a haze of emotional and mental pain sealed together with physical exhaustion. And still she couldn’t figure out why.
It took a long time for this once cold kitten to get used to it all, but as all things do, it became familiar. Her physical exhaustion waning after four months of uselessness, she was able again to move, to think clearly, the pain of loss and helplessness fading to a mere hum in the back of her mind, even the dreams eventually ceasing until she was again as she used to be, but different, changed. The world around her opened up, she saw it in a new light, through different eyes. The life forces of all about her connected yet separated. She saw it all clearly for the first time, the play of life and deaths others would pass without noticing. The kitten opened herself up to this new world taking it into her heart fully. Accepting the beauty of it unconditionally, yet still she did not understand.
Understanding is perhaps the greatest achievement any living creature could accomplish, for to truly understand one must open themselves up to all the possibilities, all inevitabilities. To accept life as it is, is the hardest thing anyone can ever do. Philana once knew this, accepted it, as an inevitability without ever understanding why. She never questioned, never asked, unfortunately when one does not question, simply accepts, they are forced to deal with fate and fate is a cruel mistress. No one ever told this kitten that if she didn’t choose a path for her life the path would be chosen for her. She didn’t know, but to fate ignorance is not excuse.
Philana didn’t understand her new druidic nature, didn’t know the consequences of falling into such a demanding calling. While she felt the new flow of power around her, she was not prepared for it, didn’t know how to control it. So when the voices started accosting her again, now in her waking hours as well, her mind could not handle it, could no longer deal with it. The constant stream of noise slowly, but effectively, driving the kitten mad, offering only brief glimpses of sanity in the muter whisper of stone buildings, for stone could not speak, as all living things did. And still she did not understand why.