Legends of Belariath
Roxy
Part Four - Storm of the Gods' Wrath
Raggy fell ill once more, with influenza. It seemed that the rare occasions the bard went into the cold always seemed to catch him. Roxy and I tended to Raggy while Rexana was left to the hunting and gathering of herbs. I had no idea Roxy could cook so well, that was for certain. Often she gave me strange, confused looks that to this day I have been unable to puzzle out, but I fear the catwolven had taken a deep liking to me that I wasn't certain I shared. Late nights spent scratching her behind the ears and teasing her apparently had lead her to believe I wanted her in that way. That isn't to say that she wasn't beautiful or lovely, mind you. I just... well, that's a different story, really.
Anyway, one night while we tended to Raggy, Rexana returned, reporting many torches out and about in the forest. Roxy looked confused, and the torches were explained as 'floating fires.' Of course, this could spell nothing but trouble. Roxy was sent out, to go and get help from my brothers and sisters, high elves (I was respected, though still I could not fit in). I myself left Rexana to tend to Raggy and took to the trees to investigate. It was as I feared... the fires were held by those of wolven, a religious group with a mission to purge the taint of the catwoman and the wolven of their tribe that had fallen for her. To this day, I question why they couldn't leave well enough alone. I suppose is the same to the question as to why we were all outcasts. It just bothers some people. And in this case, a little too much.
On my way to the wolven raiders I chanced upon an odd sight in the forest. A gathering of leaves that looked quite odd indeed. I had chanced upon many traps someone had discarded there, hidden. My best guess was Roxy, from the styling of the traps. I should have known, should have explained to her that some people were 'bad' and did not have good intentions, that it did not pay to let people hurt her for their own wants and lustings. Roxy learned the hard way, and I paid for my... cowardice. The wolven beat me back to the cabin, though I took quite a few down, and they razed the place. I have no clue where Rexana or Raggy were, but I suspect they were lost... two great heroes, in their own way. A hail of arrows sent the wolven fleeing, but not before the entire wooden cabin was aflame and had collapsed, a bonfire.
Roxy had returned too late. When I saw her staring at the bonfire, looking confused and lost, something in me snapped. I watched as her golden gaze dulled over, as though something in her hand died inside. I hunted down every last one of those sniveling wolven scum, and to this day I cannot stand the sight of a wolven, but I was really hunting the wrong people.... I returned to the high elves, for Roxy had went with them, and there I went to her. Apparently, someone had told her something, because I was not welcomed by Roxy, and the high elves eyes looked aside when I came through. Roxy glared at me when I entered her room, told me I knew, that I was a coward. She told me to leave, and I did. She was right.
Roxy had been in love with me, and I had been too unsure of myself, with my heritage and sometimes vile thoughts, to tell her I loved her as well. When battles called, I was often making excuses to hide. But what I truly hid from, that doomed my friends, was myself, and she hated me for it. I hated myself for it. The high elves could not take care of Roxy, she didn't want to be amongst them. None of them were even remotely like her. She was given instructions on where to go, and the lost catwolven made her way towards Nanthalion. I made sure to leave her a few clues, a written list about what to obtain and some people to look out for once she got there... One would think the way I wrote ShaKa in bold would have caught her attention. Too bad I realized later I'd never taught her how to read and write. Roxy is phenomenal, the catwolven has great potential, but with no way for me to reach her, I can only watch from afar, unseen, and curse myself for being a failure when I was needed...
When that bonfire was set upon Roxy's home, I cannot help but wonder if Roxy died with her parents... Her eyes no longer sparkle with intelligence, and the smile she wears feels like it could break any moment. The happy catwolven clings to simple thrills like a thirsting babe to her mother's teat, and I have seen her running about talking of 'Gods' and obviously clinging to whichever one she's discovered as well. And all I can do is sit and worry. She will be strong... but I fear she will also be lost. The cost of my own trials is too great to bear. I fear that this is my last writing, before I will be making a long trip never to be heard from again. I have my own ways of keeping my eye on Roxy, and I wish her luck, but seeing those golden eyes is like an arrow to my heart. And so I flee, because I am a coward.