TLI - A community.

[Lucien Valdres]

So, I'm on something of a hiatus at the moment. But felt had to say something.

Have been a part of TLI for a long time. I have friends I've had since I first joined and to this day. See ,that is the thing. Be it a thousand miles away or around my house having coffee. If a friend is in need I will always do my best by them.

I realise this is counter to some views and I'm not wholly in disagreement. But not everyone has a support network to turn to about their problems. Being able to vent them to someone that cares can really make a huge difference to someone's day. I've lost count of the amount of times I have been that support for another.

That being said I cannot always do so, safeguarding my own well being is something I have had to learn online. I think inherent in any community there are always going to be differences of opinion, but I think that some of my best and must memorable storylines have come to life because of having such close, genuine friendships with some here. Many of whom do far more then just RP with (nothing naughty meant by that lol).

I like being able to give someone a reason to smile. In fact my OOC antics have often been to help create a more fun-filled environment. While wholly aware am not everyone's cup of tea.

I really just wanted to put across another view, based on my awareness of mental health issues and that OOC we are all human, we all have the same urges, emotions and desires. We all make mistakes and the written word cannot always convey everything we wish it too. At the end of the day I believe TLI's strength is based on connections with other people, and what better way to have fun then with people that value you

[Adonai]

HOW DARE YOU ACT LIKE A HUMAN!

[Tehya]

lol Adoni that opened my eyes this morning.
Lucien we have been friends forever though you should write more poetry and satisfy my hunger for words.

[Akaton]

I'm gonna just say a few things. I understand where you are coming from. And everyone has some sort of issue. I myself have plenty. I refuse to call them mental illness. But thats just me.

The main issue that I see that's being argued is people just dumping there problems in OOC. Or having a woe is me type attitude. I fully agree that there are friends here and use them as your support group if need be. But something's aren't meant to be everyones business. You got friends here and got some shit you are going through and need to talk. Cool just PM them. Or if you got a lot and want to tell people at once. Make a channel and invite those friends to join it to talk about. Just an example. August 17th was the anniversary of the worst day in my life. I felt like shit the week leading up to it. I was fucking miserable. Not once did I bring it up in OOC. But yet I had my support. Because my friends here knew. They talked to me and I was able to get my feelings straight. Im not saying dont have problems and feelings. Because its gonna happen. Just dont bring it up in public forum. Cause its not the place for that shit and honestly its only gonna make things worse when you dont get your expectations met. Because you only bring it up looking for sympathy and when you dont get it your more hurt than you started.

Just note this is a general statement. None of this is meant to be directed at any one individual. Just advise and personal experience.

[Farvel]

I don't really see the point of opening two different threads to talk about the same topic.

I've said what I needed to say over there, so here I'll just quote the site's very rules for the sake of the TL:DR crowd. And because Lucien brought up "mental health issues" as a subject for some weird reason.

TLI is not a therapy clinic. We're not here to rescue lost souls, assuage teenage angst or provide psychological advice. We are not here to provide a support group for those who feel they were born in the wrong body and we are certainly not here to offer counselling to would-be suicides. We are here to provide a relaxed recreational environment to those who are capable of integrating with this community.
(...)
We acknowledge that there are people here who are still wrestling with their problems and honestly trying to overcome them and we admire them for that too. But we cannot feel sympathy for the ones who use their problems as a shield or an excuse or as a way to gain pity or attention.

We have expected standards of behavior and if you are unable or unwilling to stick with them, then you need to go elsewhere. If your actions are continually unsettling to the rest of this community and stopping them from having a pleasant and relaxed escape from their own problems, then we will bar you from TLI.

from: http://belariath.com/rules.html

It's not a "different point of view". It's the site's rules. That your life sucks and you have no one else to vent about it doesn't give you the right to dump your problems on everyone else.

Why? Because those other people in the OOC room? Their life sucks. They deal with major problems and major assholes in their daily lives. And they come here to get away from those problems, not to have other people's problems dumped on them.

Need to vent out about a rough day? Feel free to PM people you know are cool with that. But continuously bringing it up in OOC (not just casually dropping it, but going at it ALL the time) just stinks of "I get a kick out of getting 30 people to focus on me and my life". Not cool, sorry.

(the "you", by the way, is used generally here and not directed at anyone in particular)

[Adonai]

More serious post. Not everyone likes worrying about that stuff, but most of us have friends that do not mind helping out with problems, because it means we can have our friends back, happy and rping again. Not everyone is use to it or cares to do it, it is kinda black and white. I mean yes it is kinda bad to go to a channel just to put problems out, but to ask friends for help is never a problem imo.

[L`aquera]

Ok. Because the subject is sensitive I'll refrain from my usual f's and s's because sever emotional issues are not to be made fun of. Not on any scale. No one understands your problems, because they are 'your' problems you face. We don't face them. Not that exact issue. Not that exact time frame, not those exact people regarding said problem. We can sympathize. We could offer a shoulder. But, we cannot fully understand. Sure, some of it. Sure we want to help. But some things, none of us are licensed to do that. We are not trained professionals. And lets just say, you have some really heavy issues, and we 'think' we are giving great advice. But in reality, we are not. You don't feel better, you might feel worse. And then we'll feel worse. We'll feel as if we just ruined you, your experience, your need for a shoulder. I'm sure you are thinking "NO! Anyone willing to listen is a help!" thats just not true. It puts a band-aide on your situation at the time, but not the long run. And we still feel bad, tramped on, what do we do? Panic sets in. Now, we are in a position where we need someone! And on... and on...

Stop and think. Is your issue that your ex is a moron and hes trying to take your kids and we can point you out to state law and offer someone you can call for moral support? Or, is there something more deep that we can only lightly stroke for the time being but in an hour, that hollow feeling is still there? Its not a matter of needing attention. Its a matter of no matter how much attention you get, is it enough? That is why that rule that Farvel pointed out, is there. We are not qualified to help deeper issues. And we could just compound that issue. This is not something anyone wants.

[Rebecca of Valaris]

I feel in a slightly awkward position in that I don't wish to fan any particular flames (especially L's!..) yet nor do I wish to be seemingly ignoring a counter point to my original topic. I certainly haven't done the latter.

However, on the grounds that others in this topic have covered my own views sufficiently I don't have anything else to add.

[L`aquera]

No flames dear, simply an explanation on whys

[Risarah]

Sigh,

I've seen this OOC issue cropping up and as a person who has Rp'd for roughly 24 years I'm going to put it this way. No we don't want Drama in the ooc but, the argument is a mute point. I know, I know...How dare I say the argument is a mute point. All OOC chans in roughly every game I have played in has the drama issues that crop up in our OOC. Fact is people are human and while you don't like them taking the issue into the OOC...Your going to find out that people will, Somebody will, And then you will be posting on the forum again complaining about the OOC once more. This is a community and you don't have to like everyone in it, I sure don't but, in some way I have to be civil with them. This problem isn't going to go away...If you close the OOC people will find an alternative and you'll find that with no real sense of community that an ooc chan helps bring that players might be highly annoyed and gravitate to other games. It is not worth discussing further and beating this Rotting, Dead horse will get you no where. I offer a simple solution...Follow the rules and when people break those rules deal with it. As the ops have dealt with it since the dawn of this channels existence. It's as good as it's going to get. The fact that the channel has existed for as long as it has....We've survived the drama and will continue to survive the drama, Players will be punished, People will either learn or be punished, Life goes on. I'd say something witty at this point but, I feel I've said enough.

[Farvel]

and you'll find that with no real sense of community that an ooc chan helps bring that players might be highly annoyed and gravitate to other games.

If people decide to leave the game because they're not allowed to turn the OOC room into their personal whining mural, because they're not allowed to continuosuly spam "me, me, me, woe is me, look at me, pay attention to me and my problems!" all the time, then I'd say good riddance. They won't be missed.

I come here to roleplay with complete and utter strangers whose personal lives I am not the least bit interested in hearing about, and don't want their problems dumped onto me every 5 minutes, thank you very much.

If you want a "community" to whine about your personal problems, there are plenty of places on the internet to do that. This is not it! This is a sexual RP game, not a social network.

[Akaton]

I remember when the ooc was shut down. Lasted months. You know what happened? Some people left the game. Others created their own channels for the player base. And finally once the ooc room was reopened people came back. This was the start of when no non-tli links was made a rule. As was a bunch of other things. And well a lot of things were good for a while, but over time things went more relaxed. The only major enforcement I see from the rules that came when it reopened is the non-tli link thing. Honestly an ooc shutdown for a bit might do some good again. Thats just my opinion though.

[Rebecca of Valaris]

*checks that her feet are free of her mouth before leaping in*

Well it's a shame we have two threads on this as my prior points are *waves hand in the original threads direction* over there. Corking they were too; had a song and everything.

I'd like to clarify that I was in no way pushing for a closure of the OOC. Hell, even I'm not that egotistical! (Well..probably not).

What I was after was to nudge, explain, shame even the drama queens that mis-used the place in such a selfish or irresponsible manner as to spoil others enjoyment.

Oddly, and admittedly the timeframe sample isn't terribly long so perhaps lack a certain statistical validity, the OOC has changed since these rants have took wing.

Certainly I find myself swearing more infrequently and wondering about the age of some players less when I put my eye back on OOC after posting these days.

[Risarah]

Farvel,

I am in no way condoning a breaking of the rules or am I condoning people who harrass others or bring Drama into the OOC. I am simple explaining what my experience has been rping in a number of channels over the years and how I've seen them address the issue. If people broke the rule they were dealt with. All I am saying is that this issue has been an issue since the foundation of rping chat rooms. I saw it years ago occur and it occurs now. All that can be done is that it is dealt with and people with bad habits mend those ways and adhere to the rules or they get told to leave or ejected as the case my be. Punish the guilty parties is all I am saying but, leave the ooc intact for those who obey the rules. Which is the majority.

[L`aquera]

Everyone is human. We all have outbursts, troubled times, a shoulder, ranting, anger and full on rage. Not that I was looking in the mirror or anything *whistles* Look, its going to happen, this is based in a reality fashion. Its going to happen in real life, its going to happen here where inhibitions are more lax. How far its allowed to go will depend on the Op in charge and what rules are or are not broken. You can't monitor other folks, you can only monitor yourselves. If you, any of you, feel uncomfortable, unsure, contact an Op. Thats our job. And no, I'm not closing the OOC because of SOME drama Breath easier.