Christmas and Winter amusing stories.

[L`aquera]

How They Forecast a Cold Winter

One day in early September the chief of a Native American tribe was asked by his tribal elders if the winter of 2011/12 was going to be cold or mild. The chief asked his medicine man, but he too had lost touch with the reading signs from the natural world around the Great Lakes.

In truth, neither of them had idea about how to predict the coming winter. However, the chief decided to take a modern approach, and the chief rang the National Weather Service in Gaylord Michigan.Christmas Funny Stories and Jokes

'Yes, it is going to be a cold winter,' the meteorological officer told the chief. Consequently, he went back to his tribe and told the men to collect plenty of firewood.

A fortnight later the chief called the Weather Service and asked for an update. 'Are you still forecasting a cold winter?' he asked.

'Yes, very cold', the weather officer told him.

As a result of this brief conversation the chief went back to the tribe and told his people to collect every bit of wood they could find.

A month later the chief called the National Weather Service once more and asked about the coming winter. 'Yes,' he was told, 'it is going to be one of the coldest winters ever.'

'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked.

The weatherman replied: 'Because the Native Americans of the Great Lakes are collecting wood like crazy.'



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Yarn of the Seat in Stand

Freddie and John were fortunate enough to have a season ticket to watch Chelsea. They could not help noticing that there was always a spare seat next (B14) to them and they had a friend who would love to buy a season ticket, especially if all three could have seats together.

One half-time Freddie went to the ticket office and asked if they could by buy the season ticket for B14. The official said that unfortunately the ticket had been sold. Nevertheless, week after week the seat was still empty.

Then on Boxing day, much to Freddie and Eddie's amazement the seat was taken for the first time that season. John could not resist asking the newcomer, 'Where have you been all season'. Don't ask he said, the wife bought the season ticket back last summer, and kept it for a surprise Christmas present.


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Mirror Image - Christmas FableCheap perfume

On Christmas Eve, Nathan thought it would be nice to buy his wife a little gift for the next day. Always short of money, he thought long and hard about what that present might be'

Unable to decide, Nathan entered Debenhams and in the cosmetics section he asked the girl, 'How about some perfume?' She showed him a bottle costing £75. [$150USD]

'Too expensive,' muttered Nathan.

The young lady returned with a smaller bottle for £50. 'Oh dear,' Nathan groused, 'still far too much.'

Θ

Growing rather annoyed at Nathan's meanness, the sales girl brought out a tiny £10 bottle and offered it to him.

Nathan became really agitated, 'What I mean', he whined, 'is I'd like to see something really cheap.'

So the sales girl handed him a mirror.



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What To Give An Optimist And A Pessimist

A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold. If one said the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed to be turned up. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, the other a doom and gloom pessimist.

Just to see what would happen, at Christmas time their father loaded the pessimist's room with every imaginable toy and game. The optimist's room he loaded with horse manure.

That night the father passed by the pessimist's room and found him sitting amid his new gifts crying bitterly.

"Why are you crying?" the father asked.

"Because my friends will be jealous, I'll have to read all these instructions before I can do anything with this stuff, I'll constantly need batteries, and my toys will eventually get broken." answered the pessimist twin.

Passing the optimist twin's room, the father found him dancing for joy in the pile of manure. "What are you so happy about?" he asked.

To which his optimist twin replied, "There's got to be a pony in here somewhere!"

[Stormbringer]

Very good love. But it's been a long time since we got $2 to the £. £75 is now about $90

[Ehlanna]

To a famous tune:

Neck the sluts with collars of mithril
Traael Traa-aa-el, Traa-aa-aa-el
Tis the season to be Drak Sen
Traael Traa-aa-el, Traa-aa-aa-el

Wave we now our ISA license
Traael Traa-aa-el, Traa-aa-aa-el
Troll the ancient Yule tide carol
Traael Traa-aa-el, Traa-aa-aa-el

See the blushing slut before us
Traael Traa-aa-el, Traa-aa-aa-el
Spank the arse and enjoy the moanings
Traael Traa-aa-el, Traa-aa-aa-el

Collar them in merry measure
Traael Traa-aa-el, Traa-aa-aa-el
While I tell of Moriel tits 'n' treasure
Traael Traa-aa-el, Traa-aa-aa-el

Fast away the old slave passes
Traael Traa-aa-el, Traa-aa-aa-el
Hail the new, ye lads and lasses
Traael Traa-aa-el, Traa-aa-aa-el

Sing you slutlings, all together
Traael Traa-aa-el, Traa-aa-aa-el
Heedless of the spanks and flogging
Traael Traa-aa-el, Traa-aa-aa-el

[Sha`Ruse]

I love it!! Thank you Ehlanna!!!

[Tehya]

Very nice! Ehl